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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have this feeling of dull rage....

47 replies

colditz · 24/12/2005 15:39

It's not subsiding. usually when I am a ngry I have stopped being angry after a few days, but it has been two weeks now since dp and I fell out, and all I can think about is waiting until after Christmas so ds can have Christmas at home, then leaving him.

dp came home drunk last night,and when I asked him for my keys back to lock the front door with he started pushing me around, screaming in my face "f£ck off, F£ck off!" and throwing things. So I picked my son up, walked round to a neighbours and they rang my mum for me for her to come get me.

When I got in this am (had no nappies or clothes for ds) dp was still asleep in bed. He wasn't remotely bothered that we had been gone all night and he didn't know where.

he really does not care about anything but himself, I have realised that now. I don't see why the hell he should go and have a laugh in town, spending money on beer, when I have really struggled to make sure his mum gets a present.

every time I look at him I feel physically sick with anger. I do not know how I am going to get through Christmas.

OP posts:

BudaBabeInAManger · 24/12/2005 23:16

Colditz - really sorry to hear what you are going through.

Get through Xmas as best you can and work on a better 2006 for you and your children.

Klauz33 · 25/12/2005 11:02

Where are you Colidtz?

tigermoth · 25/12/2005 11:36

colditz, no one deserves to be treated like this. Hope you're feeling ok today so far, and hope you can relax a bit over the next few days.

You must phone to Womens Aid for advice.

merrySOAPBOXingday · 25/12/2005 14:42

Colditz, I hope you are well and somewhere safe

I really hope 2006 proves to be a year when you can find peace and joy in your life to welcome your new baby into the world with!

Realistically, I doubt very much that this is going to be with your DP!

gravity · 26/12/2005 04:52

oh colditz, honey, i hope you are somewhere safe with ds. i hope you are ok. x

monkeytrousers · 26/12/2005 05:16

Hope you're ok Coldiz..it's crap advice but you should try to weather it as you can't do anthing drastic at the mo. Your DH needs a wake up call but you shouldn't put you or DS at risk to do it. Vent here...

MayYouBeetrootlyRhyme · 26/12/2005 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MayYouBeetrootlyRhyme · 26/12/2005 11:48

This reply has been deleted

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Mirage · 26/12/2005 20:02

only just seen this Colditz.I'm really sorry that dp is behaving this way towards you.

I'm only a few miles away.Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help?

collision · 26/12/2005 21:40

Has she been around tonight? Is anyone in contact with her at all?

Hope she is OK.

ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 26/12/2005 21:53

Message withdrawn

Original poster

colditz · 26/12/2005 22:28

Hi all, thankyou for all your supportive messages.

I have decided to do nothing until I go onto maternity leave. This sounds like a cop-out, but -

I have nobody to look after my son while I work, and if I don't work I will lose all my maternity pay. I can't take my leave for another 4 weeks anyway.
I woke up this morning and he had gone, leaving me a letter promising (I know, I know...) that it would never ever even come close to happening again.
In 5 years, this has never happened before. I genuinely believe he would never harm my son. He has never even lost his temper with my son, even when I would have done (in a shouting way, not a hitting way, I could never hit him)

so, I am going to bide my time. If anything like this happens again, I am going to call the police again(I did call the police on friday night but forgot to say, my neighbour called them for me) and get him arrested, charged, and evicted on the grounds of domestic violence.

The police have told me that even though I haven't pressed charges this time, they are keeping the incident on file and I can change my mind, which gives me some peace of mind somehow. I have told dp this, he knows I can now have him removed from the house.

I go onto maternity leave in february I think, so will be in a better position to decide what to do then. But I promise that if anything like this happens again, i will contact the police and Woman's Aid. I feel vaguely guilty for not having done so already, but would probably feel guilty if I did, so...

OP posts:

Original poster

colditz · 26/12/2005 22:30

And to everyone who has posted here, your support has meant so much to me this past few weeks. I don't think I could have got through this without your encouraging messages, reminding me that I am not the one in the wrong here. So thank you again.

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feastofsteven · 26/12/2005 22:44

colditz - am relieved to see you posting again! could you not get yourself signed off with stress and so effectively start your maternity leave early? or would you not get fully paid if off sick. I do hope your DP does something more positive to help himself - seeking counselling via GP/speak to Gambling Anonymous.

I still think it's worth you speaking to Women's Aid now anyway, to get an idea of your position/what help they can offer if you do have to split up suddenly.

Original poster

colditz · 26/12/2005 22:49

I won't get paid anything bar SSP if I go off sick, so not an option really

OP posts:

Heathcliffscathy · 26/12/2005 23:02

colditz, only just seen this, i'm so sorry you're going through all of this. i don't have advice, but am glad of the others that do on this thread and just wanted to say i think you're fabulous. hope you are ok and that things get better from here on in...if they don't, i'm sure you'll do what it takes to get out on your terms.

vitomum · 26/12/2005 23:32

well done with making a decision. good luck and keep yourself safe.

kiskidee · 27/12/2005 09:22

i can see why it is difficult to change the situation now. i do agree with the person who said to speak to women's aid now so that when the time comes, you already understand what your options are and can move quickly. remember that you will be feeling more tired in a month's time.

monkeytrousers · 27/12/2005 11:39

Yes, use the time you have now to put things in place should you need them..take care x

MayYouBeetrootlyRhyme · 27/12/2005 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BudaBabeInAManger · 27/12/2005 13:01

Colditz - glad you got through Xmas OK.

I think you are right - you are giving yourself time to get everything in place rather than leave suddenly - I think getting everything sorted beforehand is a really good idea.

You know where we are if you need to chat. Keep your chin up.

FestiveFrex · 27/12/2005 13:04

Glad you had a goodish time over Christmas. I can understand your not wanting to rush into anything, but I would urge you to check out your situation with Women's Aid, so that, when the time comes that you have to take action, you know exactly where you stand and what to do.

I believe you can also ask the police to register your telephone number so that, if you dial 999 or call them direct, your number is flagged up as that of a potential domestic violence victim. They will respond much more quickly and with appropriate assistance.

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