Solicitor and finances - long

[sykes]

Am off for second meeting with the solicitor today - first formal meeting. Have received an offer from h re finances which, superficially, looks fairly generous and will take her advice on this. I think it may need to be increased as I may need to have extended childcare on occasions when I have to work late. I'm sure she'll give me all the appropriate advice and has given me a detailed sheet re what should be considered when providing for the children financially. Just wondered if anyone has any tips/advice/questions that I may forget to ask. Seeing her today at 5:30. She has advised previously to try and settle via a mediator as cheaper etc, but feel, depending on her further advice, I'd rather do it through the courts. Although, I suppose, why pay masses of legal costs if we may end up at a similar figure anyway. And I want him to see the girls as much as possible so access is not an issue. Am getting confused.

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Keep smiling, it hurts them more than you crying - don't quite understand? Really glad that you've moved on and sound v happy.You must be some person to get on with ex and his new wife. Wish I was so generous minded. I will try for the girls as I do know it would be better for them but at the moment it's not really feasible. Grow up, Sykes ...

Thanks Twinkie. I think I say that I don't want to get married again cos I know DP doesn't want to. Part of me does, and a small part of me would love to have another D?, but that would be a hugh impossibility from DP's side. Maybe it's just not the right time.

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I see. Understand the principle and do sometimes make an effort to look good - just can't bear the sight of him, though. Thanks.

Twinkie - Don't know how old your kids are, but came to a hurdle the other night with DP and DD. She just came out with it and called him Dad. She still sees her dad every week, a couple of times and an overnight stay, so she knows DP is not her Dad. Didn't know what to do. Any advise?

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Mumski - Just had a quick read back through the thread. Must say what really is important to you is that all the finances are sorted out through the solicitors. I went to the solicitors for a divorce, and they wanted to put all the financial aspects into it. Stupid me had made an agreement with the xH to do it without involving the solicitors. That backfired and I was left with no money from him or the sale of the house. Be careful

EMJ I second twinkies other post about you being strong etc.

As for the "daddy" could she call him daddy X, same for your dd twinkie. That way they still have the daddy but with their name attached.

Sykes smilehugs
xxx

Thanks, DM. Just asked if he could take over from our nanny this evening as I need to work late. NO. Would he stay over Saturday night so I can go out. No. Can I go out next Thursday. No. I could punch his lights out. Deep breath ....PS just had my hair coloured and this time no resemblance to a 1980s puprle throwback ...

sykes when it is conveinient for him then say
NO
what color sykesdidnt you suit the purple throwback

ERrrr, no. As the hairdresser rather pleasantly explained it has the capacity to make me look slightly witchy ... and he expected a tip? Actually had to creep massively to him as I was SO rude last time re colour - they were very sweet to me and did it for free today. Ate lots of humble pie and laughed a lot at his crap jokes.

ROFL sykes
what does humble pie taste like

If served with a massive portion of egg on your face it is less than pleasant. And pastry is SO fattening ....

LOL sykes

My first husband left me for another woman after 10 years. He called me up in China on my birthday, to tell me that he wasn't coming over to join me, but instead wanted a divorce and then had the gall to lie and say there wasn't another woman involved. Luckily we hadn't had children together. All I can say is that you do recover. I cried myself to sleep every night for 6 months and it took over a year to work out the finances...he had the evil new girlfriend who wanted everything for herself. Luckily we were in california and the laws were very favorable to the non-earning spouse (I was getting my masters at the time). I had a very lovely rebound boyfriend for a couple of years. And then met my dh who is the most wonderful husband and the love of my life. We have two lovely children and I expect to live happily ever after.
I am proof that there can be life, love and a non-bitter relationship after the humiliation of being cheated on.
I highly advise seeing a counsellor for yourself and your children. Relate are really good.

Hi Everyone
Back again in computer land. Thanks for all the support. It's been fairly hellish since yesterday as I've rediscovered feelings big time and can't stop crying. He says he has finished with her but wants to let her down gently so they are still texting and speaking on the phone. (she has bunny boiling potential - mental note to buy lock for rabbit cage at lunch time). He is still begging to come back, but I just can't /won't face it. Did you other wise and strong women find you are on a complete emotional roller coaster? Contempating shreading all his new clothes he obviously bought to impress her.