Should I be worried that OH is sending messages on FB to random women?

[vanillaskinnylatte]

I tried to access my account but his opened instead - I think because he hadnt logged out previously.

Of course I had a bit of a snoop, rightly or wrongly. You see we have never been friends on facebook. He wont add me and has always said "we live together so dont need to be mates on there too". Fair point. However I have always been a bit suspicious as he denied even having an account for well over a year and had to come clean a few months ago as he slipped up and mentioned something he saw on facebook.

Anyway, he has sent messages to random women on there, telling them how beautiful they are, nice pic, send me your number etc.

These women are all scantily clad and obviously the type that love posting pics of themselves wearing very little and posing in a sexy way.

My boy is 8mths old and we have only had sex once since I gave birth. I have not been in the mood, dont feel all that attractive and he to be honest is not doing it for me right now. He makes no effort at all.

I feel really hurt by him & humiliated. Is it harmless flirting or should I be worried?

So sorry vanilla :-( something fairly similar happened to me a few months ago- dodgy messages on FB while our baby was 3 weeks old! DH claimed it was just that- messages, and he admitted it was an ego thing. I decided not to throw our marriage away when I have no proof anything happened but I do think your dp sounds a lot more suspect, especially from the way he reacted when you confronted him- mine admitted it all and apologised profusely- didn't even mention the fact I'd been snooping. I hope you find the strength to do what's right for you and your LO

Oh sweetheart, you are so right. You deserve so much better than this constant self doubt. Have you heard anything from him since he left?

I'm really glad you have your head screwed on - it's HIS problem, not yours, honestly. You need someone you can trust.

It's not that he's waiting for 'something better to come along' - you're fine, I bet. You know that, don't you?

Agree it's not something better he just needs don't say that about yourself ,He just needs his ego massaging. So sorry for you. I wouldn't trust him and it's best to be out of it before little un gets much bigger.

I've done a lot for him and I know that I deserve better treatment. He is looking for a bit of fun, not caring who he hurts in the process and its all very pathetic. If he wants to be with someone else then thats fine - Im better off without him then.

He hasnt come back yet. No doubt he is chatting to all his buddies, trying to come up with some ridiculous story/excuse. He has run away and is trying to avoid the issue....maybe he thinks I will have forgotten by the time he gets back.

I wont forget and I wont back down this time. Enough is enough now as I dont want to live life worrying about what he's doing behind my back. I shouldnt have to!

He should be ashamed of himself! Maybe if he had owned up, been honest and appeared sorry then there might have been room to manoeuvre. But he chose to make out that I am the one in the wrong by looking at his facebook in the first place. I need to get him out of here.

These scantily-clad women are from work? So that makes it OKAY?

Bloody hell OP, you don't go into detail but I don't doubt that you've "sacrificed and been through a hell of a lot for him". No more!

He spent £500 of family money phoning/texting some woman who was "going to go public?"

Pack him a bag, leave it on the doorstep and bolt the door

have to agree, I"m sorry you're going to go through this OP, but one day you'll feel a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I had a guy like this and I compromised and forgave and put up with a load of shit for years. When I eventually called it a day and left him, I honestly felt free. You can do it, best of luck x

You poor thing OP. Stay strong for you and your baby and take care of you.

Hi everyone, I've had an absolutly awful few days & made myself quite ill with all the stress. Have had an awful migraine for the last 2 days and although Im feeling a bit better today im still feeling very sorry for myself

My OH didnt come back all night and when he got back home the next morning he tried to trivialise the whole situation and told me it wasnt a big deal & I should move on from it!! Bloody cheek! I couldnt believe what I was hearing to be honest. How can I just forget about it and carry on as normal??? His way of thinking is clearly bizarre and irrational. I was actually speechless for a while and took myself off for a long walk with the baby. Just needed to think about things and I had such a feeling of rage at that point, I needed to get out in the fresh air.

Anyway, I came back and told him to get out. We have been together for nearly 10 years so it was all so difficult and he tried to tell me how sorry he was at that point. I did waver a few times but I just thought to myself that he is only sad because he got caught! If I hadnt had found out he would still be messaging these women, meeting up, cheating etc. Better for me to suffer for a while now than waste more of my life with someone that totally disrespects me and is looking for some bit on the side.

After several hours of shouting and me telling him to leave, he finally packed a bag and went to his mum's. I have been pretty sick ever since though and its been hard on my own with the baby. My mum and dad are coming round tomorrow though, so that will be nice to see them and have a bit of a sleep if they mind the little one. They are going to speak to me about plans going forward. Im due to go back to work in 3 weeks time and the baby will need to go to nursery. Not sure how its all going to work now and I need to get things organised.

I havent heard from OH yet. I spoke to his mum yesterday and even she is totally disgusted by what he's been doing. I think she's probably told him to leave me alone for now & give me my space.

My engagement ring is off and will remain off. Im better off on my own & I see that now. Im just really scared of what lies ahead. x

Good for you. So many women put up with this for way too long. Good luck for your future and for your baby's future too.

I've been lurking vanilla and just wanted to say how very strong of you to face it all and send him packing. I expect you feel a bit like a truck has run you over, but time will help, and so will your good friends and family. No one should put up with this crap. What a foolish selfish man. It really is his loss.

Good luck xx

Thanks so much. I realise it will be hard going but I have my friends/family to support me, so I wont be on my own through this. Just need to stay strong for my son and make sure he is not affected too much by the change. He will keep me going! I feel hopeful for the future and my life certainly isnt over. I know I can be happy on my own.

You're a very brave woman and I wish you all the best. Mx.

This is the start of your new life and I'm excited for you. Well done vanilla!

vanilla, you have done the right thing, love

now stay strong and don't let him wheedle his way back into your life

You sound like a fantastic woman- well done for keeping your self-respect and having the courage to face the painful reality. You are absolutely right though- your life will only get better without this loser in it. Onwards and upwards! I hope your folks are a help, and that they look after you a bit.

Well done Vanilla for staying you strong.

You are right--you will be fine with your DS.

Good luck. You will meet someone lovely in the future. Your ex sounds vile.