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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He is such a knob

8 replies

SNOWaMANda · 23/12/2005 12:49

We got home yesterday from 2 days in Norfolk visiting friends and there was a load of post. As I unloaded the car, dd trawled through it and found one addressed to her so she, rightfully, opened it.

It was from my wanker of an ex. WTF is he playing at? The card inside read to dd and me.

Just wanted to vent at what a knob he really is. He is the one who has made my Christmas horrible. I was expecting to be shacked up with the man I loved and excited about the birth of our child. Instead, I lost my baby and he left months before that and my dd is off to her dads. Merry bloody Christmas.

I'm so livid

OP posts:
moondog · 23/12/2005 12:51

You poor thing. Things have been tough.

Why is it bad that he sent you a card?

SNOWaMANda · 23/12/2005 12:55

Because I could care less if he is dead or alive after what he's put me through this year. And why send a card addressed to dd when he left without ever saying goodbye to her?

That's why.

If he's trying to prove he's a nice guy it failed because he isn't.

OP posts:
moondog · 23/12/2005 12:58

Well you have her and he doesn't.
That will haunt him to the end of his life I am sure.
Don't let him upset you.

SNOWaMANda · 23/12/2005 13:00

Ahh, sorry moondog, should have given more background. Ex isn't dd's dad. I was with him for 2.5 years though and he was a big part of her life.

I threw the card in the bin after dd went to bed last night. That is what I think of him.

OP posts:
moondog · 23/12/2005 13:06

Well,maybe you had a lucky escape with him and the other one??

Hope 2006 is better for you,I really do.

catsmother · 23/12/2005 16:03

Amanda, I've been in a similar-ish situation to you, where a complete wanker ex sent me a christmas card, several months on, as if nothing had happened.

The reason why they do this ? ......

..... 'cos they are full of guilt and therefore by doing something "normal" like sending a card, they can pretend to themselves that as they're being "friendly", they've actually done nothing wrong.

Which, of course, is absolute bollocks (excuse my French!)

To send it to a child - thus potentially running the risk of upsetting them, and the possibility of "what happened to so and so" type questions, proves, as if any more proof were needed, what a complete twat he is.

The best thing to do is utterly ignore it. Certainly no calls or texts, even if they are along the lines of "how dare you send me ......."

Don't give the little toerag the satisfaction of believing you actually care a jot about him in any respect - not that you do - but I mean care enough to respond at all to any of his actions.

Despite all your hopes for Xmas this year, you do realise you're better off without him don't you. Take care.

SNOWaMANda · 23/12/2005 16:26

I haven't acknowledged his card at all. Like I said I put it in the bin and that was very therapeutic! Yes, admittedly, I am better off without him but he did take away my hopes and dreams and that still sucks.

I do agree that he was trying to make himself feel better. I am just annoyed that dd opened it before I got a chance to go through the post. She didn't say much, to be fair, but was slightly confused as to why he'd send one. I didn't make a big deal out of it.

A card to make up for the crap he put me through - men really are stupid, aren't they?

OP posts:
Pinotmum · 23/12/2005 17:02

The bit you said about taking away your hopes and dreams is something I was thinking of the other day. I lived with a guy for 12 months who upped and left with no good reason and with him took my hopes and dreams as we were planning a baby. However, 6 months later I met my dh and we now have 2 children I did get my hopes and dreams. It just took someone else to help me achieve them. I am still a little bitter that someone who claimed to care could be so reckless with my feelings but as far as I know he has never held a relationship together before or since ours so he probably was a bad bet for security. I wish you lots of luck for the coming year and that your hopes and dreams are fulfilled

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