What next? DV and SS involved

[emmie78]

I was called round to my friend?s house a couple of nights ago by his concerned neighbour who had heard a huge fight between him and his girlfriend.

I arrived to find broken glass and plates everywhere, food and blood up the walls. My friend?s girlfriend was standing over him as he lay on the floor and she continued throwing heavy objects at his head.
The saddest thing was that their eight year old son witnessed it all and as I tried to get him out of the house his mum banged into him and he hit his head on the wall

The upshot is the police arrived, handcuffed her and took her away. They?re not pressing charges because he didn?t want to but she has received a caution.They told us because there was violence involved and their son witnessed it they would have to involve SS.

Just wondering if anyone knows what is likely to happen now. They are coming today to interview their DS and my friend is terrified they are going to take him away. How likely (or not) is this?

Poor bloke and poor little boy, what a mess. OP, it might help your friend (and of course the DS) to think of the mother as ill and hope that she will recover in time but while she is ill it's not safe for her to be in the same house as them.

Apocalypto -

Striking as the irony is of this following on the heels of the previous thread, I think the most important point is exactly what you've alluded to, albeit sarcastically. That is, posters here haven't said he obviously provoked her etc. etc.

While there may be areas of disagreement about that sort of thing, an event as extreme as this is clearly not one of them. So probably not much to be gained from opening that can of worms.

babyhammock, with regards to SS recommendations, they will make some as the DS is deemed at risk of emotional harm; witnessing DV comes under that level of need now whether the violence was directed at them or not.

I agree Lewisfan that it is truly awful for a child to witness DV and yes this is taken seriously thanks goodness. The point I was making is that SS don't work that quickly. I know someone who's ex is horrendously emtionally abusive to their children and SS are involved and have been for months and agree etc but he still has unsupervised access due to a court order.

Also this is further complicated by the fact that I'm guessing she lives in the house. So what happens when she decides to come home assuming she hasn't already.

yes, you're right - things don't move fast, that's for sure

sorry, I misunderstood your post :)

He is back in the house now with his DS and spoken to the landlord to get the rental agreement changed so it is in his name only. She has been informed today that she needs to find somewhere permanent to live as she cannot come back to the house.

SS made him sign some kind of agreement yesterday and said if he allows her to see the child unsupervised then they will take the view that he is putting the child at risk of emotional harm. So he didn't think he had much choice but to sign it and comply.

SS have also spoken to the headmaster of the school and told him she is not to take him out of school or collect him.

But bizarrely they didn't inform her of all of this and my friend had to get another mutual friend who she is staying with to relay it to her. I can't work it out ??? Until this afternoon she had been planning to stay away for a couple of days and then expected to come back and for things return to normal. But she now knows that this isn't going to happen so I expect the counter claims to begin here.

But the little boy is my first concern, anything else we will deal with as and when it happens. He went back to school today and his dad is trying to keep things as normal as possible for him.

I spoke to her at lunch time today and in spite of everything that has happened she was clearly drunk, no doubt courtesy of the child tax credit money she received today while my friend is seriously struggling. He cannot work at the moment because of ill health so applied for a hardship fund from SS and they have given him £29 to last him the week.

Oh and she is aware there is no food in the house whatsoever and her little boy is there and hasn't given him a penny of the tax credit money!!

Baby, I have already said. As has op, this does happen. There is no tolerance for dv of this nature infront of the children.

My male friend was in this exact same position, only months ago. He too was made to sign an agreement. Same as this guy has. With no beating around the bush, as to how they'd view it and handle it, if the agreement was broken.

This is how it is now, when a child has witnessed extreme dv, even once. It's not hysterics, op is even saying herself this is the case.

So why speculate if it's what Ss do or not, they clearly do.

Emmie, tell your friend to speak to his social worker and they should be able to get some S.17 money whilst he's getting tax credits sorted out

Emmie: she's an alcoholic so her response to stress will be to get drunk. Even though the stress is due to her own behaviour. THere is no dealing with an alcoholic unless and until the alcoholic decides for him/herself to stop drinking.

emmie, I'm sure you'd have already thought of this but if there is no food in the house, can you take them round a casserole or something that would last a couple of days? Things like that are the best kind of help in these situations; while it's not the same as a bereavement it is still a huge shock and loss situation - shock from the attack, loss of the mother from the home - and people need practical support through the first stage of getting used to the new situation. Of course I'm not suggesting you do it as a regular thing, just while your friend gets the finances sorted out.