Well my name is my question really. I have a step sister and a half sister (same father, different mothers). My parents divorced when i was quite young and its true to say my father hasnt shown much interest in me since my half sister came along (theres 11 years between us). That's ok really, i got used to that a very long time ago. My dad isnt a bad man at all, just a bit useless! Of course i love him dearly anyway.
From the age of 16 when i first got a job ive been buying my sisters a gift at Christmas. I always thought i should as im the oldest. I hardly know them though and never know what to buy, however it was easier to guess when they were children.
Now im in my late 20s im wondering if its time i stopped buying the gifts. My half sister is 16 and my stepsister in her early 20s (see i dont even know her age!). I havent seen them for about 3 years and have only spoken briefly to them about twice in that time. My dad only comes to see me 3 times a year but always nags me that i should come and see him. I have mentioned several times that this is virtually impossible as he lives in the middle of nowhere and i dont drive or have anyone who can take me to see him. (I add, its not far away just awkward to get to without a car and impossible with kids in tow). Its not like he's a frail old man either, he's only in his 50s and healthy, he goes to concerts and to see live music in bars near to where i live, there's no reason why he couldn't come to visit me. He shows no interest at all in his only grandchildren (my children) and is very awkward with them.
So getting back to the story, the last 2 years or so ive sent my sisters a £5 gift voucher each for boots or somewhere like that as i figure they must buy makeup. I know its a "naf" present but all i can afford.
However, it struck me this year that although i dont have any problem with sending them something, my stepsister (the one in her early 20s for those who have drifted off by this point) most probably sniffs at my poor offering. (Lets face it, it will just about buy an eyeliner). She lives with her partner and they both have good jobs, no children to buy for and much more money than i do. I half decided not to buy these gifts anymore but cant take the guilt trip my dad will put on me when i tell him. I did toy with the idea of mentioning that my stepsister is now more than old enough to write me her own card and not just have her name written in the one dad buys. It might have even been nice if she bought my children a little something for Christmas. But of course, she has never seen my daughter and hasnt seen my son since he was a baby, so i dont and wouldnt expect it.
Shouldnt this work both ways though? Or am i just being awful? Im asking honestly because i just dont know or understand the unwritten rules between siblings, especially ones who have never lived in the same house or really known each other.
If im only sending them things out of a feeling of duty then what's the point? I would prefer to be close to them, but realistically that is not going to happen. They are nice girls but we are too different, and our lives have been too different for us to ever have anything in common. They are the "well brought up" ones, and im pretty sure that it will have been drummed into them from an early age by their mother that i was the one who "isnt quite good enough". Ive nothing against my stepmother, in fact i do like her a lot, but i know she despises my mother and doesn't really "approve" of me. Not because of who i am, but because of how i was brought up.
Maybe some of you will think that the problem goes much deeper than a Christmas gift, and perhaps you're right, but it will stay that way because im not going to try and be closer to my sisters. If they had any desire to be close to me they would have made an effort, but they dont need to because they have each other.
Anyway, should i still send the gifts or what? thanks for listening if you got this far!