In a nutshell,it's this.
We married quite late on (both when 31, me second time, him first) and now done 20 yrs. 1 daughter now uni. He'd had a few girlfriends, but one in particular he kept in touch with mainly because he'd become friends with her new BF and in time this became a firm friendship (learning to ride motorbikes together, fishing holidays away, football etc). They eventually lived about 200 miles away from us, but we still saw each other about once or twice a year - they were a handy stopover point near the channel tunnel as we visit France often, and we returned the favour when they were on Scottish trips. I have always had a base unease about him being close to an ex but she is generally pleasant and hospitable, although no great friend material.
However within a year, a violent change of circumstances has occured.
Her husband died (very) suddenly in Feb this year - My DH was shocked to the core as both were the same age. He read the euology at the funeral, and helped in the immiediate aftermath then things settled down although her phone calls became more regular than the norm - she would always want to speak to him as well.
Then in August, DH was taken to hospital in an emergency. DD was at home during when one of her calls came in and blurted her the story. Basically what happened next was when I went in the next day I was staggered to find that this woman had driven the 200 miles up to Leighton hospital (Crewe) from Kent, booked herself into a local hotel, and was sat, totally uninvited, at his bedside. Oh, and bought him a whole clutch of Sportscar/football magazines.
Now. Call me selfish, paranoid, menopausal or whatever. BUT she 1. Just turns up without even attempting to contact me to ask if it's convienient. 2. It annoys me that she stayed in a hotel when she could have stayed with me as before. I cannot help but think she is starting to contemplate squirming her way back into his life big style.
I have avoided a row over this due to DH's condition although he is much improved now but have since then I have managed to avoid contact with her, although she still rings but somehow - during funeral arrangements I think - got his mobile number, and has now started ringing that.
Tell me I am hopelessly overreacting.