confused

[tweeni]

hi there - basically i am in a huge mess because me and my best friend fell for the same person. in fact more than fell for we both love him a lot. neither of us has ever been out with him and i suppose you are wondering how this has happened. basically i knew him 3 years ago but we lost contact and met up again this year at college. for the first 7 or 8 months we still didnt really speak partly cos i felt realy awkward. then i got to know him again through my best friend cos she had been spending lots of time with him and really liked him. then gradually all the feelings i had 3 years ago came back but even stronger. he said he had feelings for me too and something happened between us and when my friend found out obviously she went mad. anyway i have tried to keep away but i love him so much and we always end up holding hands or cuddling which sometimes leads to kissing. i don't let it go any further but i decided to be honest with my friend and although she said she would stand by me i knew she was upset. they have since decided the spark between them has gone and she says she isnt bothered anymore but i don't think i believe her. she said if we wanted to be an item she would accept it.i don't know if this is on the cards for us but i feel i can't let myself find out because doing anything while not being together wouldn't be acceptable to her.the thing is i can't keep away from him but i don't want to lose her. it feels like there is no inbetween but i can't choose just one.sorry its so long.

Tweeni I really don't know what else anyone can say to you. If you were to distan.0000cyoursel0f from him then maybe he will see what he is missing. If you are constantly questioning his every move and emotion it will become tiresome for him. Once again I find myself wanting to say something without sounding harsh but it takes a lot for a person to get involved with someone that has children or expecting and that child/children are not biologically theirs. You have said that you don't want him to become part of the family or to act like a family. It is going to be a bit difficult to have a relationship with a man that has nothing to do with your child. You have never mentiones either of your ages but I get the impression that he may be young and basically too young to have the responsibilty of taking on another persons child.

bsg, think tweeni is late teens and she is about 3 months gone..

Tweeni,I hope you manage to sort thing out with this guy and that all goes well whatever happens. To me it looks as though you don't want to be alone now and esp once baby tweeni arrives....You need to realise that you can do it and there are lots of single mums/parents on mn who can help and support you. The fact that you have decided to keep baby tweeni given what your ex has suggested shows that you do have the strength. You must do everything for you & your baby though..if someone is worth keeping they will do it willingly. I agree with suggestions of trying to give yourself some distance. xx

tweeni - I can't say anything from personal experience but I just wantt to say that I think you are in a very difficult position - part of you is very young and conducting relationships / learning about relationships like any teenger/youngster does. The other part of you is very adult - and needs to be - coz you are having a baby. In many ways you're going to grow up SO fast, but I think that's incredibly dificult. Plenty of us had years to learn about what makes a good relationship - and lots of fun before even thinking in such adult terms. That's all waffle! forgive me! FWIW it seems to me that a good idea now is that you find yourself a good support network for when the baby comes - your friends and family - and maybe make an effort to find some other young mums/mums-to-be. If you have good support when the baby comes then, hopefully, that will help you still have a bit of time to be young. People are right when they say don;t waste your time on someone who doesn't want a relationship but you probably have to learn it all for yourself. I hope you are ok.

thanks for everyones advice. unfortunately i have not distanced myself yet but only cos he is back at uni on the 3rd and will then probably only see him once a month or so. i have also not been as near as emotional as i was last friday - which i am putting down to the fact my hormones were all over the place and it was the first time we had slept together. i think you feel emotional after that when you aren't pregnant if it is someone you really love let alone when you are. getting used to the fact he is going back next week now and although i miss him when he's not here, i can cope with it. i know you all think its a no hoper but i guess i won't know whether he can deal with a relationship with me until the baby comes and we have both finished school/uni for the summer.i am prepared to wait & see its not like i'm putting my life on hold because there wouldn't be anyone else anyway.even if he decides he can't manage a relationship i know he'll still be there for me as my best friend and the babys godfather.

i know its not nice when you see someone you like kissing someone else so i shouldn't do it. but i also know its very hard to say no and she knows that too cos shes done it in front of me. last night she tried dancing wit chris (quite provocatively and a little drunken) and i was really jealous but i knew if it was me i would do the same so i bit my tongue and waited til he came back over to me and said nothing.i just wish she could do the same. i just feel so comfortable with him i can tell him anythin and do anythin wit him.

to me it seems like he sees you as a friend...if he thought it was something more then he would not "carry" on with this other girl..??The other thing is that blokes don't notice the signs and may be obvlious to what you feel although I know you have tried to be honest with him.

What guy doesn't like 2 girls fighting over him..??!!! This could just run & run but I think you need to hold back till he is back in uni and go from there. Like others have said once baby is here so much so your time will be taken up by it that you may loose friends...the true ones will stay.I so hope it works out.

oops maybe i phrased that a bit wrong. it was her who started to dance with him cos she was drunk he was tryin to move away!!he has just said that for the moment he doesn't want anythin to happen cos we will hardly see eachother but he can't say what might happen in the future.it says it is scarin him cos his head says no but his heart says yes especially as he has realised he feels jealous when other guys talk to me he misses me when he's not with me and he always wants to come and see me even though its a 45 minute drive each way even if he can only come for a short while. i agree i am going to hold back and concentrate on studies and pregnancy, and just see him when he comes back to visit and see what happens over the summer.