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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would it make me selfish????

2 replies

clarebear27 · 12/10/2011 11:39

Hi All

Im feeling really isolated and need someone to talk to. I have been with my partner for 7 an a half years and we have a 1yr old boy. The relationship has been in trouble for a long time and now I feel trapped, and also very guilty for bringing my child into this mess. I want to leave him as I am so desperately unhappy but I feel I would be being selfish taking my boy away from his dad. My partner speaks to me and treats me like im nothing to him, like an annoying little sister. I cant cope anymore but also feel I cant leave.

OP posts:

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 12/10/2011 11:52

Do you want your son to grow up thinking that how his dad treats you is how a woman is to be treated in a relationship? Do you want your son to treat any partner he may have how you are treated? That's what you have to consider.

HerScaryness · 12/10/2011 17:08

Clarebear27, love. You can't STAY in this.

For the very sake of your boy - who WILL grow up to treat YOU the way his dad does, treat HIS GF and wife the way you are being treated.

You are not being selfish saving your boy from growing up under this terrible influence. You are doing this for him, and for YOU.

please read the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, it'll really help you see what is going on and how you are not to blame for it.

In short your P is CHOOSING to treat you like this, because he WANTS to. Nothing you do, think, say or otherwise caused this, would ever cause this, or could ever STOP this happening.

No amount of negotiation, reasoning or pleading will stop this, it will NEVER get any better, only WORSE.

If the 27 in your name is your age, you have a life time ahead of you, believe me, you have the world at your feet.

What is your financial situation, could you go somewhere else? do you have friends/family that could help you?

Please leave this bully, I promise you that life will be so very much better without him. It may be hard to begin with, but it WILL get better. At least when you are out, you have HOPE. Staying in this relationship you are literally in a hopeless situation.

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