Sorry for such a blunt title, just couldn't think of a softer one.
Basically, when I was 18, I weighed about 17 or 18 stone. I'm older now, and weigh under 10, but that's beside the point. Just setting the scene.
At 18, I lost my virginity to someone who was my friend, probably my best friend, and he said he wanted to do it with me (his first time as well) because it would be really nice and 'right' for us to do it together. I agreed with him (now I'm not sure why).
We were on and off involved for quite a while, but he was never interested in having a relationship with me, which we always both explained away by saying we didn't want to wreck the friendship. It's not untrue as such, just that I really did love him for a long time and I think I was kidding myself that I didn't want more. He picked up with me whenever he wasn't with anyone. All his girlfriends were really pretty and slim and nothing like me.
I 'confronted' him once about it, asking him if he used me (and that whole thing about it being nice if we both had sex for the first time together being a lie just to get me to have sex with him). He denied it, but said he could see why I thought it. I didn't push the point with him though, I just let it go without having an answer.
I still feel that I was right to some degree. That while he did care about me as a friend, he did use me as well. I just don't know if I can ever believe that he wanted me because I was me, or whether it was all about sex.
I think I'm right though, I think he used me. I don't know whether it was all teenage boy mentality and I should focus less on the fac that I was fat and he didn't see me as 'relationship material' because of that.
If it helps with opinions on this, we are still friends now.
I know this probably seems really trivial, but it's been playing on my mind for one reason or another and I would just appreciate outside opinion on it.
Thanks. :)
P.S. am a regular, but have NCed.