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Relationships

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Original poster

Is this reasonable (sorry fairly trivial problem compared to some)

23 replies

handlemecarefully · 27/10/2003 13:48

Dh and I have given up our season tickets for the footie since we had dd (she is too young to take with us).

Anyway he has the chance of a ticket next Saturday and has asked if I mind him going. I've said that I do mind, on the basis that if he goes he'll be out between 13.00 - 18.00 on Saturday...which I could normally live with, but he has invited his parents to stay that weekend!

So it would be me, dd, and parents-in-law left together Saturday afternoon while he swans off to the footie (would personally like to go myself if two tickets were available). My parents-in-law are okay, but pretty useless when it comes to dd. For example, they don't understand her need for routines (has to eat by certain times or complete nightmare starts). Also they like nothing better than to sit and vegetate on the sofa with a newspaper all day - if dd is subjected to this all Saturday afternoon she'll act like she is under house arrest and will go nuts. But dragging them out with us will be a major undertaking.

I don't see why I should have to put up with my parents-in-law (and the tensions between what they want to do and what dd and I want to do)on my own on Saturday afternoon when he is off galavanting.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable - am I? (won't be offended if you say 'yes'

OP posts:

dinosaur · 27/10/2003 13:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

prufrock · 27/10/2003 13:52

No you are not. I did think so when I first started reading, but the added factor of his parents being here means he should be there too. Could you not take the ticket instead so your dh can have some time with his child and parents?

codswallop · 27/10/2003 13:52

No mine tried this once and I asked him to imagine MY parents were over and I gadded off somwhere....
Cant he rearrange them?

lucy123 · 27/10/2003 13:53

Erm - yes and no!

It's a bit mean, but I imagine he would do the same for you if the situation was reversed (I find that this is the case whenever I think dp is being unreasonable anyway).

5 hours isn't that long. And why can't you go out with your dd without your PILs? If your dh can, then you can!

Think you should get a definite promise of a Saturday to yourself in a couple of weeks time though - these things have to work both ways.

codswallop · 27/10/2003 13:54

good advice lucy

katierocket · 27/10/2003 13:55

I don't think that's unreasonable. I like prufrocks suggestion.

in any case I don't see why you should be left with in laws to entertain.

FairyMum · 27/10/2003 13:56

You are not being unreasonable. It's his parents, so he should be reposnsible for entertaining them. Can't he re-arrange or give the tickets to you are stay at home with his parents?

codswallop · 27/10/2003 13:56

cant he take dd with him? ;o !!

motherinferior · 27/10/2003 14:14

He's not just being unreasonable, he's being VERY rude to his parents!

ThomCat · 27/10/2003 14:26

Have only read your post and not anyone elses reponses but in my opinion you aren't being unreasonable at all - he is. You shouldn't have to entertain his parents while he swans off, how rude of him. He's out of order.

Twinkie · 27/10/2003 14:46

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 27/10/2003 15:04

Agree, he is unreasonable. I wouldn't be happy entertaining dp's parents on my own while he went off for the afternoon and he wouldn't expect me to. No, if he wants to go then fine, BUT only if he cancels his parents I think. And he then owes you a Saturday afternoon where you do whatever you want.

marialuisa · 27/10/2003 17:25

I think it's 100% in your favour! There's no way I would spend that amount of time on my own with MIL, but then DH won't see her unless it's in a crowd and for a maimum of 2 hours!!

Frenchgirl · 27/10/2003 17:37

you're being perfectly reasonable!! my MIL has just phoned to invite herself from thursday this week until tuesday next week under the pretence that dh told her on the phone that she should visit us sometime before Xmas!!!! AAAAAARGGHH! Could not believe it and said....NO! but then I said she could visit the week-end after that (am not that horrid). The point is that apart from giving me three days notice, she would have been here with me and dd while dh is in Austria for work from saturday till tuesday. there would have been blood on the walls..... GRrrrrrrrr

CP · 27/10/2003 18:14

If DH left me on my own with pil while he went off somewhere that I really wanted to go to, I would be most p"£$d off! Perhaps you could go to the footie instead and leave him with your daughter and parents? Alternatively let your pil's veg in front of the tv if that is what they are happy doing - you could always take your daughter out without them.

codswallop · 27/10/2003 18:19

I feel as the mother of three boys that this is worrying.. will all my daughters in law hate me?

Frenchgirl · 27/10/2003 18:20

no, not as long as you don't invite yourself to their house with 3 days warning constantly.

SueW · 27/10/2003 19:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

codswallop · 27/10/2003 19:25

Oh good. I am trying to get mine to move closer much to their amusement

I am hoping to set a good eg to my sons too about in law relationships...!!

sorry have hijackes

GeorginaA · 27/10/2003 19:29

no codswallop all your daughters in law won't hate you! I really get on with my MIL, in some ways I'm closer with her than I am with my own mother. I regularly talk to her about being a SAHM, borrow recipes off her, talk about books we've both read. I sometimes wish I had as much in common with my own mother as I do my MIL - it's much easier to chat to MIL for an extended period of time than my mum!

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 28/10/2003 09:03

Thanks all for your comments.

The majority of you think I'm not being unreasonable, so I won't retract and let him go. I had thought about Lucy123's suggestion about me and dd doing our own thing on Saturday afternoon (given that the pil's are a bit couch potato -ish) - but felt uncomfortable about them coming to visit and then being left entirely on their own all of Saturday afternoon.

I also agree with motherinferior that he is being a bit rude to his parents by absenting himself in this way. They don't come to visit that often since they live a little way and way and have to arrange kennels for their dogs each time.

OP posts:

Enid · 28/10/2003 09:20

Agree with lucy - I think yes and no...it might be a bit of a 'mare but can't you do it this once and then go out yourself one weekend? If your dd is really such a stickler for routines it might do your pils good to see how important they are to her...you never know, you might enjoy yourself - they are your dd's grandparents after all...can't you insist that you all go to the park together?

Bozza · 28/10/2003 09:46

Couldn't PILs take DD out for the afternoon and you could have some 'me' time and go have a treat somewhere or bit of retail therapy?

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