Going To Stay With Friends?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Over the holidays, for the first time, we are going to stay with friends, with the kids. We're going to stay with a couple who we've known for 8 years or something, but never see that much of. (They live a fair way away.)

What can I do to make things work well? I really like this couple, and their kids.

Also, how long should I go for? I don't really drive, so I probably need to arrange lifts with DH. Part of me says it's not worth going all that way for a night (it's only an hour or two's drive, really), but I don't want to say we'll go for three days, and then bail suddenly ...

I would say one night for the first visit, and can you not get a train for at least one way?

That makes sense.

They drink rather a lot more than us, but so does everyone.

I'm meant to be doing baking with my friend, who is a great cook, but has some sort of baking phobia.

The boys do generally get on well, but I'm sure they'll fight.

And they're quite close to a reasonable town centre, so it's not like we'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere.

DH thinks he should drive me both ways. The thing is, we'll want to do car trips out while there, and so I'll need car seats, and loads of stuff ...

Yes good point. It will probably be perfect, however I would just be a wimp and only go for 1 night this time. If all goes well then stay longer when (if!) you are invited again...?

I think I might go the middle way, and go for two. Their house is huge, and very relaxed (ok, messy). We'll be in the bit that her parents were living in, I think there's a living room and bedroom in there.

Hmm, now, the ideal solution is, I think, for DH to come on the Friday in the evening, stay for a drinks do they're having, and then bring us back the next day ... Which means I go out on the Thursday morning, or maybe the Wednesday, which means no days alone with the boys that week, at home. Which would be great!

Probably Thursday morning is more sensible, though.

(They have stayed with us before, for a New Year's Eve, ages ago. And when we have more bedrooms, next year, they will come and stay, I'm sure.)

We had a friend of 15yrs and family come to stay for 2 nights and we hated it.
They did sod all to help out and were so busy with their own kids that they gave no thought to me and my family.
We've stayed with each other before the kids and when you're just couples you don't need much help. They obviously didn't realise!
So definitely help out with cleaning, etc
Clean up after your own kids
Offer to do a meal to give your host a break even if its breakfast one morning
Turn up with something to say 'Thank you' - flowers or wine etc
Don't lounge on the sofa while your host is doing all the cleaning saying 'we're having such a lovely time. Its so relaaaxiinngg here'
(They're never getting invited back)

if it's a big messy house you're probably going to be ok. our disasters have been visiting friends with tiny, perfectly formed houses. vases artfully arranged in grate, etc.

try and contain the children first thing in the morning so they don't rampage and wake anyone

offer your friends a lie in and look after their children one morning. a surefire way to be popular.

don't let your children trash the place even if you believe they should be free to express their darling little personalities, many people really hate the results.

if the kids start getting wild take them outside. to park etc. run them aroudn and bring them back more sober.

I definately plan to help out. I'm not very domestically-minded, but can certainly help clear up. And the baking plan involves me helping the female host get over her weird baking phobia.

I think it'd be good to do cooking with someone else, actually, just to vary how I do things. Might be a disaster, but who knows.

The one thing that has me a bit worried is, her eldest son is very very well-behaved. Never really runs about, very calm. My eldest son is a bit more ... typical? Of boys his age. But I'm sure we'll cope. She would like her eldest to be a bit better about walking, last time I saw him, he was 3.5 and still in the pram!

I'm going to train out on the Thursday morning. DH will drive us to the station, and then we can take the train. Anything bulky we're taking (probably including presents) will be dropped off their house while we're somewhat in the neighbourhood on Monday night. Then DH will come out on Friday night, and stay, and we'll all come back in the car on Saturday.

I didn't want her to think that I only wanted to stay for a few days, so I was clear with her on the phone, saying, "we've not done this before, so I'll only come for a couple of nights". I think that's what had me worried, I didn't want her to think we didn't want to see them.