Gone too far

[Justlostitwithhim]

Have been miserable for months. I had my 6th baby in January, he was unplanned as I had been sterilised. I've changed my name for this as I feel really bad and I need to talk. I am in a really difficult situation, 4 children SN and I found out in February that my husband had a series of internet affairs, he kept getting emails offering sex, he'd been looking at loads of porn and had transvestic fetishism.
The crux came tonight when I had been crying in the kitchen because I'm worried about my health. I think I've got pnd and I started smoking again and comfort eating because of the stress. I was angry because he just lay on the sofa with his eyes closed whilst I was telling him that I was worried about developing heart disease - my mother had it and possibly having pnd. i said to him that I didn't know how he could be so oblivious to the pain he'd caused and he said that he was going to bed before I became verbally abusive.
I have been very angry with him, his behaviour has almost totally overshadowed our new baby's first year. He wouldn't leave and i have no family to go to - all he said was that he wasn't prepared to leave his home. Tonight, when I saw him heading for bed I was furious. I still had to tidy and get dcs clothes ready for church tomorrow. i said to him that he was one of the most selfish and spineless creatures I had ever met. Now i am worried about what tomorrow will bring. Any thoughts?

Thanks BoysInThe Hood. Are you feeling any better now? The only positive for me with the whole situation is that if I'm absolutely desperate DH takes over for a while, but I feel worried and guilty so it's really difficult. I feel a bit resentful too. I love my baby so much, but I'd been sterilised, so it was a shock. I was in hospital for 11 days and when I came home the work seemed endless, and some days it still does. I'm really glad your DH is so good at helping out. In situations like this, any support is fantastic. As I wrote earlier, mumsnet has been a lifeline. Maybe we should just accept food and smoking issues to an extent whilst we are unwell, although as you said, it's difficult when you know that they are contributing to the problem. Thank you for your kind words and I hope we both get better soon. As you said, it's a first step simply telling someone .

Right now, at this moment in time, I feel great. But I felt really anxious earlier because I started having pain in my foot and leg and convinced myself it was DVT, it obviously isn't that, it's more than likely because I was at a fair with my DS2 earlier and caught my foot getting off the ghost train. I realise how ridiculous that sounds but at the time it was bloody terrifying.

WRT smoking, I haven't been for a good few weeks now so I'm doing okay at the moment, but if something stressful happens I'll probably start again (which may well be soon, DS2 is having an operation this week and we're moving house at the end of the month so STRESS is starting to take hold). The thing is when I am smoking I half convince myself that the last cigarette I had will be the one that kills me.

I probably sound mental on here but it's late and I guess the post up there ^ opened the flood gates!

The relaxed feeling that you get from smoking is only temporary though, in the medium and long term it only causes you to feel more stressed.

Sorry meant to add, (ignore my ramblings now if you want, they're getting long ), wrt the eating, I'm trying reallly hard to keep to a 'reward system' like having a low fat chocolate mousse in an evening for getting through the day without going to the shop for crisps or ordering a take away. If I manage all week I allow myself a big treat on a Saturday evening, a good slab of cake usually does the trick

It did work for a while but has gone completely to pot this week, but as I said, I have a really stressful few weeks ahead so.....

I hope you can find a way of cutting down with the eating and smoking too, it will help.

I would advise you to speak to someone at your Church (if as someone else has said, you think they would be supportive!), I go to a great church, where this would be taken very seriously and you would get support that you need. The bottom line is that you need to be supported and loved by your H and he is treating you abysmally. Please get the help you need, if not from Church, from your family or have you a close friend you can confide in. Long-term you probably need to see a solicitor to get him out of the family home....

Agree with janajos that you need a support network who will reinforce your right not to be abused in your home. There are many, many churches who would have practical solutions available to you and certainly would NOT value submission to that behaviour. He is abusing you.