Ex is angry, and said he is coming round to get his stuff

[scaredofhistemper]

I'm so scared I can barely stay off the loo for 10 minutes.

I've left his things on the gate (hope it doesn't rain)
He texted me this because after trying to end it since the start of Sept, I will no longer engage with him. I have bitten the bullet and tried to call, but his phone is switched off. I know that it tends to run out of battery very quickly, so it's either switched off or has run out of charge and he is out and about.

He is on probation and suspended sentence for fighting and is on his last warning; it's fair to say he does not need to be getting himself into any more trouble. That usually stops him from doing anything silly. But he had a major bereavement yesterday and came across as being very volatile in the many texts I have had today.

He had tried to text and call me today wanting a chat, but as usual I did not answer. I did text back to politely ask him to stop, explaining that I do not want to chat, which is why I have not responded, and that I have had my phone on silent now for weeks and I have had enough.

DC is out until much later, thankfully.

But I hate this guy, I really do. I didn't actually hate him until today. I just accepted that we are not right for each other. But now that I am scared in my own home, I hate him, I fucking hate him.

This man sounds like a nut job. You did well to ignore. But my guess is he will come back and then some.

Sounds like you have lovely friends which is good. Don't let this become some kind of competition though. He sounds unhinged and needs to know for sure you will call police if he hassles.

What happened to his stuff you left on the gate? agree with other poster - with someone like this that seems antagonistic. Post it or leave it all at someone else's house for him to collect.

Dont engage but do not make it a popularity contest.

stay safe.

Thanks Izzy, thanks for Immod, I feel physically very empty!

I was far too ashamed to come back on the original thread, all the more mortified because I was obviously scared of him, and that is the reason I back down twice. I was ao ashamed, but I really do see that the untangling process so complicated, and requires so much courage at every hurdle. It was so tough, and I had only been with him a matter of weeks without sex; I have so much renewed respect for those who have the courage to disentangle themselves after years and years

When I gave in before we did try to sleep together but physically he can't. It is as if his mind is too chaotic/

My power is back :) I felt very empowered tonight, not only from sticking to what I wan but by seeing other people's not -so-scared responses to him

I am so much safer being submissive

Honey, that is BULLSHIT. It is so NOT true and, if you believe it, you need help to find out why your thinking is so skewed.

Of course in certain circumstances, such being abducted by a psychopath, if may be in our best interests to adopt a submissive demeanour to deflect a potentially unwelcome outcome, but in general we should always refuse to be intimidated by bullies and do our utmost to neutralise their toxicity.

FGS, don't allow yourself to be talked down by him again.

So, he's not just a pathetic knob - he's also got one!

O honey, what are you doing with this feeble excuse for a man? You deserve so much more.

You're not short of friends - please confide in them, draw on their strength, and don't let them down by being suckered back into living in fear by a piece of lowlife scum.

And he's on probation? IMO this man shouldn't be out on the streets and, more especially since, from your description of him tonight, he is still engaging in random acts of violence.

Please talk to your line manager - the probation services need to know the true nature of this client and what he's been up to recently.

izzy I know, everything you have said is spot on.

He has nothing going for him whatsoever, he is a total liability and I hate that i have allowed him into my life.

I've had texts from him at 4am and 9am apparently looking around my garden for his stuff. I feel angry

Where is his stuff now?

It's here in my house, I have messaged saying I'll drop it off to his tomorrow and that if he turns up here I'm calling the police. I've had enough of this, and I feel less jumpy for sending that text.

Sounds like a plan! Well done.