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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

pregnant & dumped ..advice needed plz

39 replies

BelleRomford74 · 04/10/2011 13:35

Have posted on same subject before & although I have lots of lovely friends they do tend to either fence sit or are so cross at the babies dad that they want revenge!! So I am asking for a calmer prospective please...

Quick recap; I am 5 months pregnant not planned but now so happy as I lost a child 3 years ago!! The dad is a neighbour who I was having a casual no strings kind of sexual relationship with..he was very angry when I told him I was pregnant & I don't blame him for this as the contraception failiure was down to me we have only spoken twice since I told him & he has ignored me for the last 3 & half months!!! Will pass me in the street without even glancing in my direction..I have tried to keep communication open sent him scan pics etc.. but he appears to have been able to shut the situation out of his life altogether.. My plan was to this weekend send his parents (We have never met) a 20 week scan pic & a letter telling them about the baby. I have drafted a nice letter in which I have not slagged off their son I have explained why I could not terminate (my deceased child) & said that what they do now is up to them but I feel in my heart this is the right thing to do & they have the right to know. (They seem to be from what he has told me decent people who love their other grandchildren) ....So is this the right thing to do peeps?????

Or am I just trying to hurt him because I feel he is treating me poorly, or should I wait until closer to the birth??? Thanks for any opinions you care to give!! xx

OP posts:

PamBeesly · 04/10/2011 18:15

*Belle8 you are definitely not a bad person and IMO its his loss.

toptramp · 04/10/2011 18:22

Yup; he's a losser. Shame he went all funny as you were such good mates before. This is what I don't get about some men. Best mate one minute; total stranger the next. This happened to a friend of mine; a "good male friend" of hers got her pregnant and when she wouldn't abort the baby he started ignoring her. As a result I think he's the biggest knob on the planet. He has a family with another women. i just don't get it at all.
Ok; he disn't want to settle down with her but at least he could say hi to his own kid on the street. Twunt.

toptramp · 04/10/2011 18:23

I don't understand the judgy pants crew. 1 in 3 pregnancies are unplanned and many people try for years and nothing happens. you are lucky op. Congrats.

Helltotheno · 04/10/2011 18:59

OP you're sort of counting your chickens before they're hatched in the sense that, as you know, anything can go wrong between the time a woman gets pregnant and the time a child is born. Hopefully it won't, but you get my drift. I'd say take the high road, factor everyone out of your equations until at least three months after the baby is born, then review the situation.

babyhammock · 04/10/2011 19:15

I think you'll be glad you didn't contact them in the future tbh.

I also think that due to his very knobish behaviour you'll be very glad he's not in your life causing more upset on a regular/irregular basis.

You'll go on to have a lovely baby, you have supportive friends and family and will more than likely meet someone who will be a proper dad to your LO. You really dont need any twats in your life so stop inviting him this one in x

solidgoldbrass · 04/10/2011 19:57

When an unplanned pregnancy occurs, obviously the woman has the final say about whether or not she will have an abortion. Legally, she has the right to some financial support from the man once the baby is born but she doesn't have the right to insist on having any kind of relationship with him, nor can she force him to see the child.
OP the more you try to insert yourself into this man's life, the worse you make things for yourself and probably for your LO. BACK OFF. Leave him alone. Concentrate on yourself and your baby, this is not an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show.

WibblyBibble · 04/10/2011 21:20

Of course the situation is to do with his parents. They're the ones who brought up a man who thought he could fuck around and leave the consequences to everyone else to sort out. They have a right to know, and a responsibility to tell their useless son to grow up and start helping you out.

WibblyBibble · 04/10/2011 21:24

SGB, surely you've heard of condoms? He had a choice to risk pregnancy, he decided to take that risk, and he can't walk away from it any more than the OP can.

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 21:28

Wibbley, just out of interest, you are aware that condoms do not have a 100% success rate aren't you ?

Also, we don't actually know what form this "contraception failure" took. As far as my tiny mind can remember, and without scrolling, OP hasn't actually divulged that info

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 21:29

Personally, I think that any man who has to be told by mummy and daddy to man up to his responsibilies is not worth having in my life

I just wish Op could come around to that way of thinking

HairyGrotter · 04/10/2011 21:37

I have not told the parents of the father of my child that she exists. Although, they are aware, she does not exist to them as he has not told them.

I would never contact them, I don't know how they know but I have no involvement in their knowledge.

Leave well enough alone, fight that urge, and it will become irrelevant. It is up to HIM to man up and stop being a dick. Good luck

seriouschanger · 04/10/2011 22:17

Belle I was dumed by exDP at 5 months pregnant too. I actually left it be and it was the best thing. Ex did pop up now and again but grandparents did I hope love their first grandchild. However their love for their ds is far more than their grandchild and decided to drop my ds like hot potato when ex decided too not bother anymore also. Leave them alone. you can bring a horse to water but not make it drink.

On other hand they will find out they have grandchild and they will contact you if interested...they even have legal rights.

I guess as it was no strings/fling in your situation and the man thought their would be no issues like babies as maybe he never wanted any/any yet. Leave him be and just hope that if he does get in contact it is not to make your life a living hell as in my case but to support his dc.

By the way congrats and wishig your dc health and happiness.

solidgoldbrass · 04/10/2011 22:22

Didn't the OP say that she 'forgot' to get her contraceptive injection topped up?

AnyFucker · 04/10/2011 22:33

OP just said the failure was "down to her" unless you remember from a previous thread, sgb

It kinda doesn't matter now though

It is what it is

Like you said, the bloke doesn't want to know

Yes, that may make him shitty but it isn't compulsory (except money-wise)

OP should let him go

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