Long, sorry
Background: DH and I have been married 7 years. I met him and asked him out whilst he was still married, BUT he was already separated, his wife having gone off with another man. He did admit to having had a few "girlfriends" after his wife left, and as I had until recently been seeing a married man, I didn't complain, and didn't want to know any details.
After we married, and I was living in his house, I found out (by reading the itemised phone bill) that he was still ringing another woman on a fairly regular basis- always when I was out at work. I confronted him about this- he swore that nothing was going on, that she was having "problems" and that he was just talking to her. i asked him not to ring her again, whilst I was out, and the (itemised) phone calls seemed to stop. I doubt if there was anything physical going on , as she lived at the other end of the country.
We have continued to get Christmas cards from this woman, always addressed to just dh, even though one would expect that she knows we are a family. Last year she moved, and her new address and phone number were written on the inside of her card.
In July, I bought dh a new mobile for his birthday, mainly because his old one was given to him by a mate, it was a different make and network to mine, and neither of us knew how to work it very well (no instruction book). Last week, I went into the bedroom, and found that he was charging up his old phone. When I asked why he was charging it up, he said, "I might want to ring someone, there's £30 credit left on it". Well, he hardly ever rings me with his new phone, and he tends to ring his son from the landline. I made a bit of a joke of it, and said that having a second phone in use was suspicious behaviour- he said that if he was having an affair he would hardly leave the phone charging where I could find it. I thought that was the end of it.
Dd (3) has been playing with the old phone recently (with his permission, apparently), and this morning I caught her with the phone in her hand and it was ringing! I quickly cancelled the call, then noticed that the phone number was that of the ex-gf (had recently been looking through last years xmas cards to make sure I'd not forgotten anyone). It is the most recently dialled number on the phone, but not sure how to find out when the call was made.
Now what do I do? I still doubt if anything physical is happening, as she still lives a long way away. I have been a little "down" recently, I've gained weight, need a haircut (could probably do with some self-esteem)and I know I'm unattractive. I don't want to make myself more unattractive by seeming needy and jealous. He does tell me that he loves me, sex life is OK, he's a good Dad, so on the surface everything is OK. BUT I need to know what's going on. If I let it lie then it will eat me up, and I won't enjoy Xmas, but I'm worried that if he does admit to something going on, it will ruin Xmas even more. If nothing is going on, I don't want to drive him away by nagging about something innocuous.
I know I'm far better off than many on MN, but could do with some advice as to how to handle this
thanks