Is there anyone out there who is really happy and has been together years - do you work hard at your relationship or does it come naturally.

[CrazyBabies]

I love my hubby of 15 years so much. We had a discussion at the weekend at a wedding. It went like this:
I said that I really don't know any one who has been married for 15 years or the like, who is really happy in their relationship, and that one has to work hard to make a relatonship work and be good.(We don't have any freinds that have been together for more than 10 years and most of our friends are either single or not happy in their relationships!)
He obviously didn't agree!!!!!
We have had ups and downs over the years, the usual marriage probs probably, having babies, sleepless nights, our second child was stillborn, we have 2 special needs kids too! no money in the early days.
I am tidy and him messy which has caused many an arguement, and also the, what I would say was, the inbalance of sharing household duties when we both work.
I personally work hard at the relationship, and let him do all the hobbies that he wants to do, I think I am a prettyeasy going good wife.

I don't think any relationship naturally happens to be 100% successful without working at it. I must add, I think I work harder!!!!
Although i must say he his probably more lovey dovey, but I think that comes from me getting fed up with him more that often, not doing/forgetting to do things like little jobs around the house.....which has become a very long list now.
Yes - feeling a bit mony today.

Been together for 19 years, married for 11 years in 2 days time

He is just simply lovely. Kind, thoughtful, fantastic at DIY, a very loving and brilliant dad....we fight over our ds for cuddles We rub along lovely.

Its quite natural tbh.

We have our own seperate interests. that is very important actually as we came into the relationship as individuals and it is important to maintain individuality.

We do however have the same goals & priorities, and that is without question. family life & our ds.
He says that he would rather be home with us than out at a pub, it holds no interest for him. He rarely goes out drinking.
We have the same philosophy with money & work and so have lots in common.
Made for each other i think.

We've been together 17 years, married 16 and for most of it it's been horrible. Both our faults, coupled with different expectations of marriage and his inability to discuss problems/issues. Years ago, I used to make him sit and discuss, albeit he preferred not to. These days, I don't even bother. I think because I have stopped 'trying to make it work', we are basically two separate people co-existing.

26 unmarried years in January.

We do all right for a pair of old farts.

We started going out together in 1987 (how old does that make me ). Been togetther 24 years and married 20.

There have been some hard times but also great times, and on the whole I still love him.

We have shared goals and ambitions (to get two weekends away from our children a year). Last year we didn't achieve our ultimate goal (only managed one weekend, and this year is heading the same).

Sometimes our ambitions have had to be lowered, a weekend now counts as Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon.

We have all our hopes pinned on next year.

All joking aside, I think we are compatible and willing to compromise when needed. On both of our sides.

We work at our marriage but it doesn't feel like work iyswim. We invest time and energy in it I suppose.

We're extremely happy.

Depends on what you mean by work. Been together 29 years and no, I'm not huffing and puffing and exhausting myself keeping dh in a good mood.

But sometimes I can see that in certain situations there are two possible ways I could react- one hurtful and one less so- and then I do try to choose the one that is best for our longterm relationship. And I am sure dh does the same. If we've fallen out we both try to find some common ground and something to laugh about together just to remind ourselves that we do love each other really.

I don't think of that as hard work (though my mother probably would); it's just become a habit; it's how we live.

been together for 24 years, married for 14, yes am very happy and yes we have to work at it.

Love Dh to bits, together 14 years married almost 12, and it's work: 4 sn kids, a few redundancies, him SE and at home all day on top of us.....very hard work at times but worth it.

Only 12 years here.
I think its different for each couple. For example i've noticed that a common advice to couples is to set specific days and times for fun or sex. That would kill me and dh! But it works for others.

Not taking each other for granded - we both lived a lot before we met and we are independed, emotionally and financially, i think this always gives a kick to the relationship.

The most important thing i think is not to sweat the small things especially regarding other people or work or each other's country/culture. Lackily we are both laid back and we can laugh instead of analyzing every word mil/fil/uncle/aunt says. We both have big and close extended families and because they live abroad, seeing each other means all living in the same house for weeks.

P.S. Can i just say this is the only good relationship i have had. My previous ones were very bad.