Am COMPLETELY DREADING Christmas..

[Janos]

Sorry for shouting.. caps for emphasis cos that's how I feel. I became a single parent recently...will be spending XMas with XP and his family, with our son. OK, this isn't really a huge problem because they are lovely people. Have always got on really well with them all, especially XP's mum who was a great support to me after DS was born. They absolutely adore DS.

I know it will be stressful because of the circumstances but I think it's worth it for DS's first 'proper' Xmas..he'll be 13 months...he is the most important person in this mess after all.

The real reason I'm dreading it is because I'm hugely in debt and can't afford to buy any presents. It is my own fault, I don't deny that but also partly caused by chnage in circumstance(splitting from XP).

Am waiting on tax credits/housing benefit coming through, which is taking AGES and not likely to happen before Christmas. I am due quite a bit as I am paying rent and childcare so am really counting on this.

I am working part time and hoping to increase my hours but because I've been off sick long term with PND my employer is dragging their heels..I know they are just covering their own backs but I really, really need the money.

Childcare and rent costing a fortune...please, please anyone who has been in this situation..any advice or help? Thanks.

Hi,
I've no experience of this but one thing just jumped out at me - you are already being incredibly generous agreeing to spend Christmas at xp's house to keep your son and his grandparents happy - you really don't have to worry about spending money on presents for them -I am sure they would rather you saved for ds. Can you make them some cookies or something as a gift instead? ds will also get pressies from his grandparents, and won't remember who got him what, so don't feel bad if you can't get much for him. You are already giving everyone the best Christmas possible.

I was going to suggest making food gifts too.

Or I've probably got a gift or 2 in my "emergency stash" I could send you??

janos, I really feel for you. If you are on good-ish terms with your ex, is there any way you can talk over your christmas money situation with him?

If not, can you front it out, be calm and tell your dp and parents just before you go to see them that tax credits/housing benefit haven't given you money dispite saying they would sort it out before christmas (a lie I know but it heaps even more blame on the system) so you are not buying presents till you know when your money comes through.

You have obvioiusly been through a lot - don't for a minute feel this is your fault. Don't let others see you accepting blame for it and remember your 13 month baby doens't need presents to make christmas special.

ChristmasDragon...that is so kind! But please don't feel you need to send me any presents. Am still praying for a Christmas miracle, maybe I'll get the money before the end of the week (LOL, yeah).

Food gifts sounds like a good idea..I'm not the best cook in the world but it's worth a try. Thanks!

What a difficult situation. Agree about the food presents though - you can't go wrong with chocolate brownies - I've sent out three batches this year so far and they've gone down a treat. For some (bizarre) reason, people were really impressed that I made them myself! I wrapped them in very cheap shiny boxes from Wilkinsons and added a bit of curling ribbon for effect.
I am sure your xp's relations will understand your situation. I hope you can have a good time despite the difficulty.

Janos - if you check the recipe topic - you can see lots of easy recipes....

here is one for you - rather exotic idea of rocky road - my english dh has never had it til dd1 made it in kindy for him ( we live in Aus)

get some melting chocolate, decorating/large marshmallows chopped and jube/gummy sweeties, decicated coconut if you like and nuts is you like as well

melt the choc - throw everything in and mix it up, put it in a cake tray/baking tray - whatever you got and bung it in the frige. Let it set, then cut into chunks - put in a nice glass/container or bowl you could get from pound shop - wrap in cellophane.... DONE!

i too think you are giveng them the best gift - having son/grandson for Christmas.

Janos, that is so good, that despite being recently separated, you're on good enough terms with your XP that you can spend Xmas together!

I realise you're in a hard financial situation, and it sounds really stressful (other gift suggestions: photos of your DS (take them yourself), any scribbles he makes (dunno if he scribbles yet, I don't think my DS1 did by that age, but DS2 certainly did)).

But I think you (and your XP, probably) should be patting yourselves on the back for being on such good terms! This bodes well for you guys managing well together with DS, in the long term.

how about one of those handprint poem calendars? You can print the calendar/poem part off easily with Word etc. and them get your DS to do handprints on it.

So many good ideas for pressies - they sound like fun too. Thanks everyone.

your situation is pretty similar to mine at the moment
i am dreading christmas too i am living with my partner but thinking of leaving i dont know what to do for the best (i was going to do a thread about it but i cant be bothered )
dont worry about the presents your inlaws they will know caring for your ds comes first and should understand you cannot afford gifts this year
i too am in debt- dont feel too guilty about it plenty of people are - its so easy to get into when youre home with a baby cant go shopping - get some credit and order goods online or whatever -with me it was the thrill of opening little treats -something for myself while i was doing for every one else but my partner doesnt see it like this and doesnt realise i am miserable because he doesnt pay me enough attention /take me out/make me feel good/wanted/happy
the worst thing for me is that i havent had pnd i felt great after kids were born i have gradually slid into depression because of my partners crap attitude- at the moment i just cannot decide what to do for the best -the bank have offered me a loan to consolidate my debts but this is really getting into even more debt though it would make life easier just paying one monthly amount
i have a very part time job (which is exhausting me) even though i enjoy doing it

some practical tips are HASSLE the housing benefit people ring or go in the office (swallow your pride) and tell them how much you need that money -tell them your landlord is on your back and you cannot cope with the stress- they will rush your application through quicker (even if they say they cant) someone will put it to the top of the pile -thats all it takes! just keep phoning every day asking if its ready yet they will soon get fed up of you and sort it asap !
as for presents have you time to make some cakes or go somewhere really cheap- they have bags of mini stollen cakes in lidl (german ones) they're tasty and no one will know you got them there- its always worth looking around the very cheap shops cause not everything in them is rubbish
bought my ds a great wooden train set for 10 pounds from lidl at weekend and its fab !

hope i havent rambled too long hope its ok for you at christmas just keep looking forward things will get better good luck janos x

Thanks for the message of support lunaturkey. Sorry to hear you are having such a stressful time too - it's crap, isn't it? I can honestly say for me though, that leaving was the right decision. Having children just makes the situation 100 times more complicated doesn't it.

Thinking of you. Hope your Christmas goes well. Please feel free to CAT me if you want to

thanks janos i will cat you for a chat (when i get a spare second !) take care x