Anyone actually caught OH with someone else ?.................

[katkin73]

...and if you knew that you could, would you?

Sorry, bit cryptic I know, but if you had advance warning, say stumbling across an email of OH planning to meet someone else, could you/would you be there to catch them out?

kat it sounds like it is very raw at the moment so I would not turn up. You have enough evidence to know what OH is up to.

Of course you still love him - you are still hanging on the picture of the person that you thought he was. However, if you have decided that you don't want to live with someone you cannot trust and who disrespects you then I would act on that.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

Kat, sometimes in situations like this, it helps to get some legal advice so you will know how it will/could pan out, where you will actually be six months down the line etc. It gives you back some power and control.

FWIW, you are probably still in "shock" and not able to process things very well atm hence why seeking some legal advice (or citizens advice) might help.

I would have loved to have caught my DH in the act (and it was only pure luck on his part that I didn't ) though having just said that, the utter rage I felt when I found out could have led me to being arrested .

I just can't make my mind up on this one.

On the one hand, it was bad enough knowing he was up to no good for so long and not being able to prove it. Being told I was paranoid, mental, etc and actually starting to believe I was. Then when I found The Text, having to dig so hard to get him to tell me anything at all, the months and months of being told tiny details. Three years on I reckon I only know half of it and it would have really helped to know more so I could have closure. That makes me think it would have been such a visual way to come to terms immediately with what had happened. And think how they would have felt too.

On the other hand, the image and the feeling of total horror would have stayed with me forever, needs a strong mind for that one.

Take care xx

Kat, I am not in a fit state to help you make a decision, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am and wish you strength and luck.

I think actually Kat,

you may need to catch him in the act. Either he doesn't think you care too much or he thinks he'll never get caught.

Is he the type who will lie about it even if he does it? Would he say 'well, I had intended to go, but we never did anything?'

Finding out via reading emails/messages was bad enough for me and I think I would have chucked up if I caught my H in action with OW. The very thought already makes me feel queasy

You know he's having an affair, you have enough evidence and you can make a decision based this - there is no need to listen to his lies, excuses, just tell him you know the truth and that's good enough. Its your choice though.

I personally think it hurts enough knowing what is happening. A lasting image in my mind would just too much to deal with.

I came home from work early one day to suprise exdw who was 'ill' only to find her in bed dtd with a freind of mine!
I said nothing but calmly walked over to the bed, climbed up onto it and stood on his face. I'm not proud of doing it and could have been done for assault but it was a spur of the moment thing. I then left and went for a walk. When i returned, he had gone and dw was pleading for forgiveness and wanted another try.
I did give in and we had two dc b4 she did it again, and again.......

kuna...bloody hell

Is it a hotel meeting or a bar? If it's the latter won't he talk himself out of it. Is it a bad idea to get a friend to "bump" into him instead? If you do go please don't drink before hand and have a friend waiting for you.