Have you ever been in a relationship with/close to someone you thought was a psychopath?

[TemporaryMary]

Inspired by alias' thread - I commented there about a former partner under my usual name. The whole relationship still bothers me and I wondered if talking here might help.

I've always wondered whether my ex might not fit this category. When we met he was incredibly charming, personable and generous and quickly seemed very into me. He was estranged from his parents and sister over an argument with gps (who he was in touch with) and didn't seem very bothered about this.

He was incredibly intelligent (tough Oxbridge phd on full scholarship) and while we were dating got a job with a notorious management consultancy and the money that goes with that.

He was very sexually adventurous (whereas I was fairly naive) and over a period of about 6 months escalated through S&M games through to photos on the internet, advertising for other couples and taking me to sex clubs. I didn't really (really didn't?) enjoy this but had tremendous self esteem issues and I wanted to please him.

For the second year of our relationship I lived abroad. He cheated on me halfway through with a colleague and whilst apologising, managed to get me to agree to an 'open relationship'. I developed a serious eating disorder and had a manic period where I made very unsuitable choices - I honestly believe that had it not been for this toxic relationship I would not have got this bad.

He eventually suggested that I see a psychiatrist. In fact, he suggested one he had slept with while we were dating.

Does this sound psychopathic, or just fuck witted? Does it even matter?

seriouschanger, yes I am in therapy. It's a squeeze paying for it, but I manage. I think about him sometimes, but not the rape of which mercifully I have few memories. I feel disgust at ever having willingly slept with him and remember with revulsion his thin, cruel mouth that he tried to hide with a beard (it was a long beard ). I hope he died slowly and in pain as he deserved to after what he did to me.

The one I also blame is that bampot of a doctor that gave me the pills which sent me high. He was in with that Martin "Sex King" Cole mob who believed that sex is the only drive worth living for, which it isn't by a long way. He undertook to "counsel" me which consisted of intrusive questions about my sexual and fantasy life. Nowt wrong with either; he missed the point entirely. And what would you call a doctor who made a young woman of 21 strip naked for a smear test? From where I'm standing I'd call him a fucking perv.

An exchange with him, showing what I would say to him now:

"Still tickling yourself?"
"Mind your own business you fucking old perv."

Something I forgot to mention was the thing that helped me most. After I'd gone home, the long term BF I'd split from and I began seeing each other again. It didn't work out but we remained friends. About six years later, he came to stay with my then H and me (exH wasn't the jealous type). exBF wanted to visit my parents as he liked my dad. I drove him there and on the way, told him about the rape (he knew the chief perpetrator). There was what I can only describe as a thick, dense silence. Then BF said, in a voice laden with hatred: The BAD BASTARD Oddly I hadn't told my exH at that stage; exBF was the first person I'd told. His response felt so healing and affirming. When I finally told exH he didn't seem fazed or shocked, or angry on my behalf. We weren't happy and I suppose that's how it showed itself.

So glad you are getting therapy and things are easier now to cope with. Glad you sussed out it was the evil monster and not your fault....so glad you told exB as gave you the feedback from someone that it was EX not you.
Terrible you have to pay for it though. The Dr who did the smear you can report to the General Medical Councel....even if nothing done in terms of Dr being chanrged if questioned the Dr will realise he cannot do this to other vuln females but only if you feel strong enough as it may make you unwell and you do have enough to deal with...sadly you had two bouts of really bad luck. Maybe your ExB is still around as a friend...sounds a good support tbh in RL.

My SIL was in a relationship with one! He was dependant on alcohol and drugs. Several times he punched her and pushed her down stairs but always pleaded forgiveness and swore it wouldnt happen again.... it did. We tried to get her away but she kept saying he deserves another chance and she 'loved' him. They had a dd together and things came to a head when dd was crying and dp tried to suffocate her to stop the noise! Eventually sil left him taking dd away. Exdp went on to have another dd with another much younger girl whom he also beat and abused before she had thhe sense to kick him out. He then left town and found another older woman who was a socail worker who thought she could 'fix' him even though he was still dependant on alcohol as was she, they had another dd together before he was finally arrested for attempting to murder his dp.
He is currently serving 6 years ahmp (no where nearly enough) but willbe out in two years to screw up another life or three.
These men never seem to change and should be sterilised as part of their sentance.

kunahero this story is so similar too...exP choked ds for not going to sleep...that was one of the few nights ex had ds...ds was non verbal and autistic and could ot tell me.... he only disclosed it few months ago 3 yrs later. I am lucky ds is still here thank God.

They should also never be realised again until very very old.

It all sounds familiar here too. I took it for 16 years unfortunately.

The night I told him it was over, he held me down, poured a bottle of wine over me, tore my clothes off, locked all the doors, hid the phones, and buried my mobile in the garden. He told anyone who phoned that I was in the bath.

I am a regular who's name changed.

I was in a relationship with one age 22 to 23.

I was taking a lot of recreational drugs at the time, I was depressed and had very low self-esteem. I became fascinated by this man, he was handsome and charming. He was also "living" illegally in his office after his business failed, he had bailiffs, all sorts after him. I had several thouands in saving at the time..all went conned the lot off me. I moved in with him, he never had any money. He applied for jibs under a fake identity and nicked the company cars. Apart from to go to college I couldn't go out. He forced sex and sexual acts that terrified me every single night, sometimes holding my throat at the time. He kept me locked in, deliberately starved me. I was 5'8" and 7 stone.

I had no friends to turn to as my cohorts at the time as they were all rave scene caners and didn't give a shit, I couldn't trust anyone. A local bar maid tried to push a rape conviction against him but got scared off. I managed to leave him a few times but he always bullied/charmed his way back in. I became sneaky and devious myself...I lied about a college trip, actually went to Ibiza with friends for a week! He was mad and made me suffer but I didn't care, watching him being humiliated was worth it. He tried to cop off with all my "friends" in front of me and was probably successful with a few. I got the Police in eventually, and managed to get an injunction after the inevitable stalking.

I've now been with dh 12 years and have massive control issues which have been a source of conflict between us, ie I'm controlling and quite paranoid and if I feel i'm being at all controlled I freak out.

My parents helped me as well and luckily it was only for one year. I have been lucky not everyone is.

He bought us both mobile phones so he could track/stalk me, before anyone else had them 1995/6 i think. But made me pay the bill on my student bursary. I got the tears an suicide threats whenever I tried to leave. Oh and he concocted some bulls**t story about having an evil ex who he'd had a daughter with who stole from him and denied him access to his daughter...pure fantasy.

seriouschanger - the doctor is dead too. Died of a stroke. This all took place in 1976 and he would have been in his fifties then, I reckon. I was too brainwashed by him to report him at the time. I googled him recently and found he was mixed up in the eugenics movement - the work of the devil, IMO. I didn't think of reporting the rape either because I knew the police wouldn't have believed me. You had to be a nun or a "respectable housewife" (garbed in Crimplene from neck to ankle too, I suppose) to be taken seriously then.

I ran this past a Det Chief Superintendent I met through a disability hate crime forum and he confirmed, sadly, that I was almost certainly right about the likely reaction of the police. He is a nice man. Things aren't much better now, in terms of conviction rates but at least the police are more willing to act, and treat women more sensitively than in the past.

Just wanted to say - my heart goes out to all of you who have suffered at the hands of these creatures masquerading as men. I feel you suffered so much more than I did - that may be because mine happened so long ago and I have had time to reflect and come to terms with it. I pray you will all find peace and be able to rebuild your lives, and that any relationships you form will be with men who are worthy of the name.

My exP. When I first came across the profile for it (after I had called the police), it was like it had been written just for him. And yes when you mention the word psychopath, everyone thinks you're being so melodramatic. I'm fed up with down playing it.

So sorry Rufus and OP.. x

Isn't supposed to be about 1% of the population that are psychopathic (4% sociopathic)..