have namechanged for this. I really need someone to tell me if I'm going mad or if my husband is being an arse. We went out to a barbecue at a friend's house yesterday. I have an 8 month-old dd. After a long spell (a really nice day during which no-one argued and there was no trouble), I said the baby was tired and I wanted to go home, so promptly called a cab. He said he would get another cab from the same company and bring the rest of the baby stuff home (we had brought some toys etc). I got back to the house about 8. 11 o'clock came and went and no news from him, no sign. I called, no answer. 12 came and went, I called, no answer. Ditto 1am. By this time quite worried, I sent a text saying could he just call to let me know he was OK. No answer. Finally, around 2am, he picks up the phone saying he's round the corner in a bar. I am miffed because I didn't know where he was, if he was safe etc. When he finally gets back, extremely drunk, I make it clear I'm not happy about his not having picked up any of my calls/texts. He goes off in a huge stomp. Comes in 10 mins later, kisses the baby, says "goodbye my love, you will never know your father, I'm sorry, but I will always love you." I give him an earful. For the rest of the night he goes around doing things basically designed to wind me up (throws objects out of the window, turns music on very loud, calls me a b*h.) No physical violence.
Eventually at about 5 am he kind of says sorry. I'm still pissed off. Get up at 10 am and ask him to look after the baby while I clean the house. Needless to say he has terrible hangover. Eventually, after baby has gone back to sleep, he storms off into the street, taking his passport (he's not British) and leaving his keys and mobile phone which may or may not be designed to make a point.
He may or may not have gone back to the country of his birth. Or he may be sulking. Am I right to think that he has crossed the rubicon and that I shouldn't take him back under any circumstances? If he does come back I'm inclined at the moment to say that the marriage is over, regardless of how much he apologises. My feeling is that a man who uses his daughter to emotionally blackmail his wife is probably capable of doing worse things even if he hasn't done them yet. But its also possible that I was a bit of a controlling so and so. I am at the end of my tether and would appreciate some advice.