OH possibly cheating.....

[veraw]

If he's not cheated already I think he might do soon......

We have been together for 9 years, 3 children (under 4) both work, me part time. Things have been hard for a while. Ive possibly had pnd since dc1 born and almost certainly depressed at the moment but have developed a real fear of doctors..... things have been difficult between us for a while, Ive been asking for us to spend time together for 2 years but we never do anything. He is great with helping with children and around the house. Ive really struggled with wanting to have sex with him. sex drive has completely disappeared. He wants it every night.

A couple of weeks ago he got a text from a work colleague saying something like, ' dinner tonight? x' He works shifts, I didnt think much to it. I only saw the text as it came through whilst I was near his phone and it flashed up.

Ive just been away with my work for 4 days and I dont know why but when I got back, and he went out without his phone, something, instinct?, made me look at it.

OMG! there was a real flirty chat between them, after finishing work late at night whilst I was away. Cant remember exactly but he offred to go round hers to kiss her goodnight, she wanted him in her bed. (she was off on her holidays the following day) he would save kisses til she was back. She cant wait and misses him already. She would facebook him but he said nooooo. ( i used to know his password but he changed it) ( hes not logged out of facebook on the computer so i can see that shes not contacted him on there)
he told her to listen to a certain song and think of him.

We had a real good talk that night, I played ignorant, and weve made a real effort to get back on track. Things have been better this week. But i dont know what to do. This girl ( shes 19) is away for another week. OH is 34 and Im 38.

He mentioned her in conversation the other day and called her a bit' slow'.

ive always trusted him. never had any reason not to. I just dont know what to do........ I cant be sure anything has happened. It certainly looks like they both want something to....... do I hope that by the time he next sees her, 2 more weeks, ( he has a week of work when she gets back) that we are much better and he dismisses it as a bit of fun. Do I just pretend I know nothing and then if theres any more similar contact between them, confront him? Leave him?
Jeeeez, sorry for ramble, dont have long as he'll be home soon. Just had to get off my chest. Phew! feel a bit better already.

Thanks

will try to muster the strength to start the ballrolling......

Feel crap.......

No one in rl to talk to or offer support.....

You have us. Keep posting. x

Classic! He's a deluded middle-aged fool and she's a silly young girl.

Use your day out tomorrow to lay down the law and kick him into touch. Make it clear to him that if he goes any further with Miss Teenage Wet Dream he'll be the one doing the leaving, you'll be the one staying with the dc and, once the CSA get hold of him, he won't be left with much to lavish on botox, man spanx and a hair transplant for himself let alone a seductive bachelor pad that will impress the current object of his lust.

If he doesn't get his act together chances are he's going to end up a lonely old man in a bedsit despised by his dc, while Miss TWD will have long forgotten him and be married to a man a couple of years older than herself.

As for you - you'll be just fine and dandy without him in your life.

He's cheating on you with a girl 20 years younger than you and just a few years older than his teenage child, then he describes her to you as 'slow'. What a catch!

Sounds like a nearly middle aged man taking full advantage of a vulnerable young woman (if she really is 'slow').

This would be a 'binbags on the front lawn' situation for me.

Oh I have no doubts that this is all a bit of flirty fun for her that will shatter all of our lives and have a huge impact. She is by no means vulnerable.......she is just immature.
Not forgetting that he is as much to blame and is stupid for thinking there is more to it....... I'm sure his bin bags on her parents doorstep will prove that!

It'll be soon as I can't go on like this......... I'm not gonna be made a fool of.....

out with teenagers will soon

As you say, she's immature and there could be many reasons why she's flirting with a older married man including having her head turned and being flattered by his attention.

But there's absolutely no excuse for him because he knows full well what he's doing and the impact his disloyalty will have on you and his dc.

Try put this to one side and enjoy your day out and then, at a time of your choosing, (metaphorically) carefully clean every part of your shotgun, load both barrels with your finest ammo, take aim - blow the lying twunt out of the water.

Thanks all.........would prefer to stay home and catch up with ironing today.......everything just seems a pointless front. I have a busy weekend with a couple of different groups of friends which'll be hard too.......

Oh Veraw, I so feel for you. Why do people think the grass is greener and then realise when its too late or gone to far what a mistake they have made. I have no doubt that he will but I hope that you are strong enough to know you deserve so much more.

No one try to justify her behaviour. She will have thought of all the consequences and just wont care. I can guarantee that.

Well i couldnt hold back and confronted him soon after my last post......

He admitted text flirting but is adamant that is all it was. We really were going through a rough time and had had a huge row just before I went away. She was the flirty distraction from reality........ nothing happened.. I do believe him but have given him a really hard time over it.

I'm struggling with trusting him but we have both made a big effort to get our relationship back on track. We've spent more time together and talking in the past couple of weeks than we have in months. I know that I have been, at times, awful and if Im honest I can see how she was a welcome distraction.......he has said he just needed someone to laugh with..... He knows he has come close to losing it all........and stupidly for someone who really doesnt give a toss about him...... or certainly wouldnt a couple of months down the line......

Liar liar pants on fire..

Guess he managed to pull the wool over your eyes this time OP

Until the next time

Hi veraw good luck for the future hope everything works out the way you want

Oh dear

You took all the blame

That was not wise my love

Next time you are a "bit difficult" what will he do ?

OP, your last update made me really sad. He cheated on you, and you blamed yourself! There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour, especially with a wife struggling with PND, three young children and a part time job. You poor thing.

Grown men who need a 'flirty distraction from reality' in the form of 19 year old childwomen are really, really pathetic. Why couldn't he go and have a laugh with his own friends, of his own age, or does he not have any? Texting another woman to say he wishes he were in her bed is not 'having a laugh'.

I do hope your relationship turns out well, and there are plenty of stories on here of relationships which have survived cheating, but I hope you never find this happening again because you pretty much absolved him of blame and let him get away with it.

I am sorry but I do not think you are hearing the whole truth - he is only admitting what he can. I hope he has given you full access to his mobile, email account etc. Remember that many cheaters buy a second mobile so do check his car and other hiding places.

Remember that your H chose to do these things instead of investing in you and your relationship so you should not take any of the blame for his actions.

Good luck.