When did you know your marriage/relationship was over?

[RhinoKey]

I am trying to make sense of mine and DH's relationship and how I feel about it.

When your marriage ended was it a gradual thing or was it a lightbulb moment where you realised it wasnt worth it anymore?

theala yes I got out end of last year, he's with another women now and I really want to warn her but don't want to cause trouble hope she realises sooner rather than later, although from what I've heard I think they may be well suited!

We had a rare Friday night free. I asked if he would like to got out somewhere. As with every single bloody night he was sitting in his chair right next to the TV and I had to ask several times before he heard me. He finally just said "NO" without even looking at me. I had talked to the side of his head once to often and I just said I can't do this any more. Of course he didn't hear me then either. When he finally went I threw the chair out.

When he referred to me as 'she' in front of our DCs. Not 'your mum, mummy, mother', etc.....just a very sarcastic 'she'. So sarcastic in fact that I almost saw his lip curl.
It was then I realised that he was a complete and utter wanker and I felt just as much contempt for him as he obviously did for me and I wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

I am in limbo land.
One moment I feel that things will improve, they have to.
Then to not caring anymore and fearing that it really would be best to walk away.
No idea what to do.
He has changed so much from the selfish man he was, but I am stuck with a huge distance between us that came up 5 years ago when DD was born.
DS born 3 years ago and our sexlife has never returned, now the idea of it leaves me feeling empty.
I know this is probably not the right thread for this, but I feel lost.

when i caught him for a third time chatting up women on match.com, actually caught him with his supposedly broken phone in his hand texting he and i are over no more chances or forgivens

Mine is a bit different. I was in an off/relationship for years with a guy. At the point we were currently 'off' after him yet again dumping me appalingly and I was heartbroken. I bought the book 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwood and was flying to see my best friend.

I read it on the plane and silently broke down in tears. I saw the reason why I accepted such shit and decided never, ever again.

For the first time in years I knew I would never entertain him, the bullshit and the hurt he caused me ever again - and I haven't.

The most important journey of my life :)

fairy

That is exactly how I feel. One day I want to work on our marriage and the next I feel like I would be better off walking away because its not worth feeling so lonely.

Two things. My best friend committed suicide, and he was incapable of supporting me. Two days after her death he told me he couldn't understand why I was so upset because she was 'just a junkie' (she'd been an addict for years) and that I 'needed help'.

A few weeks later, he left his laptop open while he went out (first time ever). There was an explicit email from another woman, dated the week we got engaged. When I confronted him about it, he claimed that they used to have email sex before we met and that he'd stopped responding to her emails when we got together. Strangely, it was the fact he'd treated her with contempt that made me angry.

I dumped him a week later, and felt a huge sense of relief when he left. I met DH a few months later.

I think it started when I watched him eating and felt sick. It wasn't just that he was eating fast (which I really hate - if I'm eating with someone who's eating fast I can't eat properly myself), it was the fact that the food was keeping him alive.

fairy-similar here.the bad outweighs the good though

No 1 - when he announced totally out of the blue that he wanted out and was seeing someone else. Total shock.

No 2 - when after years of his heavy drinking I realised that he was an alcoholic and that it was not going to change. Took me ages from that realisation to actually ending it. I felt responsible for him. Never again.

Hmmm, I've not had good luck in relationships! Ah well.

when I just didnt bother to argue anymore - just didnt care enough

When, after years and years my ex suddenly shaved off his beard and moustache, I thought: You have the face of a girl.

Not a marriage, a relationship I had from 18-22. We were both students at the time, he also had a job as well as his course. One day he decided to jack them both in. Leaving me to support us, pay all the bills and rent whilst he spent all day on the computer or playing his guitar. I looked at him and thought, how the hell are you going to be a husband and father one day? How can I trust you to support us? You have done this to us, what would stop you doing it in the future again if we had a kid? I ain't going to stay with someone who leaves us in the gutter. Dumped. Moved on.

Engaged to a brilliant guy who knows the value of having a steady job and sharing financial responsibility. I've also never had better sex than I am having now, been together over 4 years. Sex with losers is boring ;) Give me sex with smart, caring and trustworthy guys everytime :D

Felt completely worn down, exhausted, drinking too much. I decided to try to keep it together until the youngest left home (she was then three). Tried and tried all I knew to get myself and our relationship sorted out, but felt as though I had given myself a prison sentence. We parted two years later. Youngest is now 17. Breaking it up was a terrible thing to do but I just didn't know how to go on. All these years later I criticise myself every day for not being able to cope. I won't forgive myself, ever, but felt suicidal.