Strange texts what do you think -is he gay?

[blossom123]

DP left his phone @ home and could not help myself but look @ the history. He called several people between 2 and 3.30 last night and there were several text's from a close friend ( man ) saying I love you, xxxxxx, "if I was not so fat, I would be there", Bizarre, "Love you loads""the sooner the better" WTF. Just a bit of history, DP is an alcoholic, still drinking, taking AD's but I thought things were getting better but he keeps having blips. I have also just had a call from another of his friends asking me what is going on, he called him @ 2.00, talking about self harming, this is just too much. I would like to know what other people think, am I being paranoid, is there something going on with this man? he is really unattractive (friend) he claims he is not gay but I really am not convinced. Things have been pretty bad for a couple of years, am I wrong to think this this might be the core of everything. May be he can not face up to his feelings. Sorry probably not making much sense but sitting here on my own and my head is spinning. We have been tog for 20 years by the way and have 2 DC.

Agree with Fairenuff. One of my mum's friends married 2 men who ended up admitting to be gay She ended up totally fucked up poor woman.

My experience when guys are drunk there is a lot of "Man, I love yous", the bro-mance, to their buddies. Definitely not gay.

This alone, not gay. However, look for other signs, maybe he is maybe not, you never know.

When drunk in person, yes, maybe. But I don't know men who text 'I love you' to other men even if they do love them. Not to say it doesn't happen but OP, like you I would have a bad feeling about this. I am sorry this is happening.

What did your DH say in the conversation about how he was going to 'cut off contact' with this bloke? Did he say why?

Clarifying: what I mean was men might say 'I love you' to one another in person, if they were together when drunk, but not IME by text.

I am with 80'schick on this.. they might say it, but texting it is a completely different level..

If the number is definately not a cover for a woman, then yes I would be bloody suspicious too.

I have also known quite a few relationships where one partner has moved on to a same sex relationship after being in a heterosexual one for many years. It really isnt unusual. However it always seems to be viewed as more acceptable for a woman to do it than a man for some reason.

I spoke with dp again last night and he said that he agrees this is very strange and now convinced his friend is gay, I never had any doubts and frankly do not care whether he is or isn't, what I do care about is his obvious fixation with dp. He said he wants to cut contact not because he is gay but seems to think their "friendship" has now changed. This is not normal drunk guy speak, there about 9 texts, all declaring love one was simply "xxxxxxxxxxx" yuk! I honestly do not know what to think, I suppose the "I love you too, sleep well tonite" from DP is bugging me. Things are so crap with us lately maybe I am looking reasons, am I just being a gullible idiot?

Well I'm pretty sure your Dp is trying to pull the wool over your eyes but only you can sort this out.

How are your dp's parents regarding gays? I know exdh's mother was very 'oh no gays in this family' I said if either of my dss are gay then great she was horrified.

Curiousmama - Both parents are dead. I do remember him telling me that he came home from school to find his bedroom plasted with Porn "just to make sure you were not gay" WTF ( had forgetten about that ) I find that deeply disturbing

Ewww how shocking. Are you going to try to have a good open talk with him?

You know I don't know if I can rebothered right now, as I think he def lying about something but don't know what. He is in such denial about many things. He needs therapy but he can not see the point.

Well you're in charge of you (and of course dcs to some extent) so let him get on with it and if you're really unhappy then maybe try to plan your escape. Or just ask him to leave? Once you say it then it's out in the open. I'm pretty convinced you'll be happier. Are you scared of being a lone parent? I was a bit but found it much easier tbh.

Sorry, I have been bladdered, many many times but never, ever felt the urge to tell my mates I love them..

Had enough trouble telling the xw that..

I think you should go with your gut feeling blossom. Tell him that you know he's not being fully truthful with you and you only want whats best for all the famiily members. Tell him it's time to come clean. He will feel better for being honest with you. Make it easy for him to tell you what's going on. Then take it from there, depending on his reaction.