Is dh selfish?

[tesco84]

At a party I was dancing when cake came round. After party I commented that I missed out on cake. Dh replies I had some.

Should he have got some for me or m I being over sensitive.
another occassion he went to a birthday meal with one of our dc. I stayed home lokking after dc with chicken pox. He brought home 1 piece of cake for dc. Not enough for me apparently.
Also lost count of number of valentines days/mothers day where I have felt overlooked. One particularly grated when he went our to football on Saturday and came home with a top for himself but I received nothing on Mothers Day. Not only that I was the one getting up early with sick dc even though I was poorly myself.

Well, tesco you clearly can afford it it's just that he's choosing to spend the money on football or whatever instead. He probably thinks that you don't actually need new car seats, you just need to be more careful about remembering to swap them. What does he say when you tell him how you feel about this?

His reply was we can get more when we have sold the old ones.

OK so it's not about cake. . You do say that he buys treats etc for the DC, which is a different matter from a man who is only interested in treats for himself. Does he come from a family background where adults don't get treats so much ie where adult birthdays etc are not acknowleged?

Definately not. Adults always get good gifts in his family. Plus this year he and his 2 sisters jointly hosted a party for his mums 65th birthday. Not his idea but he was happy to contribute.

He sounds human, ie, fairly normal, nice etc but has his flaws. Which you have to decide how you are going to deal with.

I would make sure that I take care of myself, if I want cake I would stop dancing and get it.

Car seats I would either buy new ones or make sure that I get him to share in the responsibility of swapping them round.

If I want a present I would buy it, like said up thread and tell him that is his gift from me.

This isn't about cake is it? It's about you not being thought of, or appreciated by dh. I know how you feel, my dh can be like this sometimes. His head is so full of stuff that it feels like there's no room for me!

It's the little things that count in a relationship sometimes, if you're feeling unloved you'll notice the lack of them.

Talk to him and tell him you'd like him to be a bit more romantic, spell it out if you have to. Do the same for him, little things that show you love him.

My DP is a bit like this. We were away at a wedding at the weekend and stayed in a hotel. He made himself tea twice without asking me if I would like a cup and I was in the same damn room as him. It's not particularly a "man" thing, a friend is a bit like this too. I call it the "Look after number 1" syndrome.

Interresting answers...

If H gets a bonus it goes onto the joint account then usually onto the saving account. WE then decide what we are going to do with it.

It would sounds quite fair that both partners get what is important for them. A season of football matches for him, car seats for her.

tesco I can see why you are annoyed with him.
Perhaps try and get more assertive wo being confrontational and restate your needs and your need for them to be fulfilled.

I agree with mumsamilitant in some ways.
As an adult, we are all more than capable to look after ourselves and get a cup of tea or slce of cake.
But it is an issue when this is always like this and your P always overlook you and is always No1 (and the dcs No2).

Is there any other issues within your relationship with your P? Do you feel loved and appreciated in other ways?

The car seat thing doesn't make sense. If you sell the old ones to buy new you still have the problem of remembering to swap them .

I think this is definately a communication issue. You talk about stuff like that but don't resolve it. If you're not happy with his answers you need to say so. You don't need to argue. Just say we need to talk about . . . If he says we already did, you say yes, but we didn't resolve it so I need to talk to you again. Using phrases like I need, I want, I would like, I feel is so direct that he cannot possibly misunderstand you.

How hard is it to say I would like you to offer me a cup of tea/slice of cake if you're getting one for yourself. I need to buy extra car seats not replace the old. I want you to surprise me with gifts on mothers day, birthday, valentines day. I feel left out when you spend money on yourself and dcs but not me.

Be prepared to listen to what he wants too.

Sorry meant sell the earlier stage ones we have in the garage.

car seats for her.

??

err no - car seats are for teh chidlren which are responsibility of both...

so sell the stage one seats then.

you shoudl be abel to buy what is needed from joint account.