so, when you are reasonably sure it is all over, but your other half doesn't feel the same

[thisisnotmyrealname]

how do you go about splitting up?

I am a namechanger. I am a long time poster.

dh and I have been married for 12 years. we have children together, one with additional needs. life has not been easy, and for a variety of reasons I feel like I cannot carry on as we are.

there are issues on both sides, but when I have brought it up before (twice now), dh says he doesn't think we shoudl split up, and things have not been so bad that I (and the children) need to get away, and so it all drifts on.

I am once more thinking that we should go our separate ways. but I am not sure I can get dh to see it that way

he has been married before, and I think he dreads a second divorce most of all.

in a nutshell, I feel typically unappreciated (am a sahm, by agreement), at times unloved (dh is a workaholic), and get very frustrated with the way he does things at times (sleeps in late at weekends, meaning I am the one to get up with the children; whenever we go out for the day it is always me organising everything, from plans to sorting out all the stuff and equipment for children; little to no input in some pretty major things to do with our dc SN). in his defence I am a crap housewife (some of this stems from depression following not coping with dc's SN, feeling unsupported etc, but not all, I am seriously crap at housework), and over time have been increasingly snappy and at times downright awful to him.

so, how can I go about this and try to keep it as amicable as possible? I know he will say that he doesn't think things are that bad, but for me, they are.

I think you are very clear on what is going on. And I agree that he should be helping more during the week end, evenings etc... And take your on needs into consideration (like working more as a team than originally 'agreed' because of the unexpected situation of having a child with SN)
It looks like you have a problem that a lot of women are facing : a H that has no idea how diffcult looking after dcs is and a H that is totally unable to appreciate the work involved in it. Except that your work is made even more difficult by the fact you have a child (children?) with SN.

I am not sure where the answer is.
You could try to make it work again with some counselling together and leaving him for a day on his own with the dcs and have some time for yourself.
You could say enough is enough. I am not happy (He probably isn't either from what you are saying) and life is too short to carry on living like this. That would be a totally acceptable option too.
What I would urge you to do is to look at the implications of being a LP of a child with SN. For whatever reason, your story made me think of an interview of parents with a child with severe SN. They were saying they knew and had agreed that there was no way they could divorce because none of them would be able to cope with it on their own. Do you think you would be able to cope financially, emotionally and on a day to day basis?