what do I do now?

[LilQueenie]

Im really fed up. Have my 3m old DD with me and my partner who I just told to leave earlier keeps phoning. Let me begin. He wont believe Im not saying things about him on the phone to family. He insists hes right Im wrong about it. so today yet again it came to a head and he left. But he came back all polite with my dad. Then he chages because I wont accept nothing happened.been on phone earlier to domestic abuse line. There is lots more btw not just that. However how can I trust or be with someone who hates my family to the point they upset me over it everyday. He just called to say he needs to hear me say its over. I told him and he said its my words to live by. He s supposed to be dropping of hhs key tonnight but Im not usre he will. Ive had to cancel appoointments tommorow because of this.Im too emotianally weak at the moment. Phoned police as he refused togive key at first but they wont help. I tried the council to change locks but the phone line for them wont work. Dont know why Im here, I guess scared, alone and upset. I dont want to hurt him but he I cant go on like this. There is a small chance he isnt just controlling because of confidence issues bu tsome behaviour due to a mental illness. Its because of this Im feeling so sad for him. He can be a good person just not when he is with me. Not exactly a supermodel but confident in a way I just dont think he wants.

It doesn't matter what the cause of his behaviour is (bad childhood/insecurity/whatever), what matters is the effect on you. His problems are his to work on, not to take out on you.

If you want to change the locks (and the house is in your name), you can just do it yourself - if you don't feel able, get a friend or family member to do it. You can buy reasonable locks from most DIY places quite cheaply, and in combination with a chain and bolt, will be secure until perhaps you can afford to have it done professionally. You won't need permission from the council, although if you want them to do it for you, you may have to wait.

This man isn't your responsibility and you don't owe him a relationship. You can feel sad for him that he's made it impossible to keep the relationship going, you can feel sad for what could've been, but for goodness sake don't put yourself at risk out of misplaced guilt.

"It doesn't matter what the cause of his behaviour is (bad childhood/insecurity/whatever), what matters is the effect on you. His problems are his to work on, not to take out on you."

Totally agree with this.

Phone Women's Aid 0808 2000 247

They'll give you advice and support and keep posting on here too. There are a lot of lovely posters who can give you advice and support and will know what you're going through.