Feeling under pressure

[checky]

Advice anyone?

Our baby is 8 months old and I am just going back to work. My problem is that I am the main and nearly only breadwinner. We are not married and my partner is going to be staying at home and looking after little one for part of the week.. What happens if we split up? I would want to keeo the baby and employ a nanny but Will he get right sover our baby and will he get rights to my earnings, pension etc.
Am a little nervous that I dont have a clue about this ACtually I feel pretty stupid!

DOes anyone have any experience of this?

do you think you are about to seperate ?

I am married and am by far the larger earner in our famil My dh does work though, we have a nanny. Why will your dp not work ? is this a mutual decision ? does he have any plans to work n the future or is he planning to stay at home for many years? do you respect him ??

sorry - so many questions

Oh hang on I've got it wrong- Bob is part of fathers for justice or something isn't he? Not popular on here anyway!

I know how you feel checky. I work and my DH is a SAHD to our three boys. Our relationship is very rocky at the moment and I do feel as if I have painted myself into a corner. I've also recently spent a lot of money (which was mine, not DH's ) doing up our house and really hate the thought of losing all that, too.

I would say that if you already have this level of concern and mistrust about your partner, then you should think very seriously about what you are doing, as the proposed course of action does not sound ideal at all. Sorry not to be able to be more help. Am thinking of seeing a solicitor iin the New Year myself to get more info on where I would stand vis a vis my kids and my house if I did split up wiht DH.

But isn't this how most fathers must feel when they are the major earner and the mother stays at home?? IMO, which parent you are is irrelevant really.

anniemac, it's not salary (which would be our money) it's money which was given to me personally.

I wonder if the problem is that some mothers have been forced into being the primary breadwinner. I am increasingly feeling that way - would prefer to work part-time and see more of my kids and it would seem a huge swindle if split up with partner and he got custody because I am forced to work full time. I think you need to think carefully about whether you are prepared to accept this situation, ckecky. Can't your partmer get a proper job? Sorry to hear about your situation dinsoaur...

Thanks everyone, you have helped. Altho there are differences of opinion at least I feel like I am human for having these concerns and that other people do too. Ghost of Christmas got it spot on really. I know I should get some advice to be sensible but it seems like a big step. I dont think we are splitting up yet but I am starting to resent the fact I have to be at work. The plain truth of the matter is that he is a bit lazy. Whilst he is very good at what he does he does not want to take his business further and I earn 8 times more than him. As far as he is concerned there is no decision to be made. The only prob I have is that to earn that I have top work my socks off at an office 2 hours each way from where I live on top of a 10 hour day, 4 days a week. Then I come home to washing etc and of course I want to spend time with my boy. It all seems like hard work when he gets to stay at home.

Sorry to unburden myself...

I have re read your message many times over CXhristmas and wanted to say a really big thanks to you. I have put things in motion and had a proper talk with DH who is rising to the challenge. So far I have to be away 10 nights over the next 2 months which is depressing but I have been spurred on to find another job!!

THANKS and I hope you are as happy and worked out as you sound x