Not sure what i want anymore

[OTTMummA]

Hello, I've been away from MN for a few months, have been busy at work and not had much time for anything, But i don't have friends to talk to about this, am just sounding off really..

Basically i have come to a point where i no longer enjoy spending time with my husband, i don't find him interesting, funny, sexy, attractive, nothing there.
It's got to the point where i am going to work early and staying later and later to avoid any time with him.
Yet when i think about not being with him i feel sad, ive even cried about it.
We do not have any common interests and tbh, i get more mental stimulation from work colleagues, its making me feel very depressed.
We have only one child together, and don't spend much time together as a threesome as i end up even more depresse, which sounds bad, but i can't help it.
Im currently living in fantasy land most of the time, dreaming of all the interesting things i could do, and places i could go.
I guess im a selfish wife and mother for wishing to be away from my life as it is, but daydreaming is pretty much my coping mechanism to get through the days.
I have tried to tell my husband that im not happy, today i told him i can't stand being around him anymore, and that i will be arranging to have my days off when he is at work, and to be working on his days off, later on i told him i just don't like him anymore, he never says anything except " what have i done now, etc, etc" even though i tell him all the things i hate, and why.
I just cooked a roast dinner and hated eating in the same room as him, the sound of him chomping and guzzling makes me feel sick.
I don't even know what i want to do, i just feel pathetic.

I hate to be the one to point this out but I think you should be prioritisng your child here. you say you go out earlier and come back later to avoid your H obviously meaning your dc is spending more time in the care of a parent who is cold towards him? :(
For the sake of your child, if you are not happy then leave, or at least arrange suitable childcare.

Yes. Why are you asking?

Cactus, I am similar to OP but staying for the DCs - just wondering whether life is better on the other side of the fence? Surely it's better for the DCs?

Do you mean is it better for the dcs to stay together and put up with the OH little defects?

Look my relationship is breaking down or rather has broken down and I am finding, just like a lot of other women and prob the OP, that leaving can be scary.
My H is not a good father. He doesn't want to be involved with the dcs. When we will be separated, they will (hopefuly??) spend some time with him and I won't be there. So I asked my counsellor what do you do? How can you handle a situation where you know that their father will put them down regularly balanced with the fact that the dcs still love their dad and they need their dad in their lifes? Her answer was 2 folds:
1- unfortunatly, you can not protect your dcs completely from encountering difficult situations in their life. Whether you get divorced or not, this man will always be their dad and your role is to support them the best you can.
2- it's a problem of balance. Looking at what the dcs will get out from seeing their dad compare to not seeing him. That will prob change with time too.

Atm, my dcs are telling me that 'they don't like daddy' and that 'they don't like spending too much time with him' and a few other things along these lines. So really staying for the sake of the dcs is obvioulsy not the right thing to do for me.
I am blessed in that my dcs are happy to tell me how they feel and don't feel they have to 'put up with it and say nothing'. I imagine that other children will express their approval or disapproval in other ways. You then need to be very careful about their behavior and try and understand what it means.

And that's before starting to talk about the effects on the dcs of having an unhappy mother!

Cactus, I'm so grateful. Many of us are similar, we are thinking about pros/cons, what it could be like for the DCs. Like the sound of your counsellor, wish you all the best.