leaving verbally abusive relationships/controlling men - where did you draw the line?

[livingonthedge]

I can't decide what I need to do and cannot decide where to draw my lines. I wondered where others who haveleft, or who haven't, draw lines and what they take into account - ie it isn't black and white - it is all grey and I wondered how people made sense of the greyness.

What kind of adult needs someone else to make their breakfast? Other than one who feels seriously entitled?

Maybe my expectations are unreasonable?

Really? Do you really think that expecting your H not to swear at you, take your wishes into account, push you away in manner that was aggressive (or yu wouldn't bothered mentioning it) is having unreasonnable expectations?

I think you have normalized a lot of things that aren't acceptable because otherwise you couldn't get through the day.

I found a good way to see if my expectations were reasonnable was to read the therads on the relationship board. I found a lot of them had similarities wit my istuation. And I read the reactions of other MNetters to them. Really eye opening.

But I can ensure you none of the things you have been talking about are 'unrealistic expectations'

IME you tie yourself up in knots trying to establish boundaries with an abuser. They will shift them and do it in a way that makes you unsure whether that boundary has been crossed or (more likely) that you were being completely unreasonable to erect it in the first place. This is because abusers do not respect the boundaries of their victims

Whay sunshine said. No wonder you're so confused.

I decided to leave when I realised I was utterly miserable and it was never going to get better. It took me 2 years to actually do it though as I was well and truly trapped.

babyhammock - how did you do it? (I know the well and truely trapped feeling )