DP and I have been having problems with our sex life - his depression and health problems have meant that it's pretty non-existent and has been for quite some time. It's been difficult talking about it, because he finds it very hard to open up, but he's finally agreed to seek some counselling. All very well, but...
A couple of weeks ago, he went to visit a friend and his wife. While the husband was out of the room, he asked the wife if she was ok, as she'd seemed down the last time he'd seen her. She told him that she and her hubby were having problems in the bedroom dept. At this, he opened up to her and told her we were going through the same. Before he left, she gave him some herbal viagra-type tablets to try. He only told me about all of this last night - said he'd kept it quiet because he knew I would be upset.
He's right, I'm very upset. After months of telling me that he hates even having to talk to me about our problems, and after us nearly splitting up before he agreed to counselling, he suddenly finds it opportune and appropriate to open up to his close friend's wife. He says I'm being unreasonable and should feel happy that he felt able to tell someone, as it bodes well for him talking to a counseller. He also says he only told her because she brought the topic up, but as I see it she only brought it up because he invited her to have a heart-to-heart about how she was while her husband was absent.
I'm not happy that the person he felt he could tell was another man's wife, particularly since she then asked him to keep the conversation private from her husband. So presumably her husband would be pissed off that she's talking about their problems to his friend, but I'm supposed to be overjoyed that he's managed to pour out his heart to another woman. The fact he waited two weeks to tell me also bothers me greatly. His response to my being annoyed was 'Well I'll know to keep my mouth shut about things in future then' - so he's basically telling me that he was right to keep this from me and he'll do so even more in future.
Would you be happy about your DH/DP talking over such intimate problems with another woman, and then keeping it from you, even if only temporarily? I really can't see that it's me being unreasonable, but perhaps I'm just not seeing clearly. After all the troubles we've had (and there have been loads!) I thought we were getting closer and sharing everything, and now I find he's keeping things from me, and thinking that he's right to do so.