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should we carry on

20 replies

gorgous1 · 25/09/2011 11:36

Hello needing some advice as to whether my relationship is worth continuing. Been with DP for 18 months, met through work He initially told me he and his ex has split but wee amicable They were still together and when she found out it was me he chose. I do really love him but is seems she still does too. He has 2 children 18 and 19 they don?t want to meet me and he does not want me to meet them. He visits x3 per week an has a cooked family meal there which make me insanely jealous as I now she would do anything to get him back
This week he has been informed he is being made redundant and I can see this being the beginning of the end as we don?t live near each other and he has made it clear he does not want us to move into t0gehter, should I hold on in there

OP posts:
buzzskillington · 25/09/2011 12:10

Er no. You see, he hasn't chosen you.

He's got no intention of moving in with you.
He spends half the week with his wife.
You're persona non grata with his children and he supports them in that.

You've 'lost' already. But don't worry, he was the booby prize all along.

Tell him not to bother coming round any more.

HairyGrotter · 25/09/2011 12:12

Totally agree with Buzz, have rid. He really was the booby prize, you deserve better!

HerHissyness · 25/09/2011 12:15

Love, he was not your DP.

You were the OW. He lied to you. he lied to his wife and betrayed his kids.

Back the hell off, dump his cheating sorry arse and don't look back.

Now you know the truth, your honour insists that you do the only decent thing and dump him. To carry this on ONE SECOND past knowing, makes you a mistress and complicit in hurting a whole family.

You deserve better than this.

fivegomadindorset · 25/09/2011 12:15

No.

unavailable · 25/09/2011 12:16

Buzz is right. Whmade you think he has "chosen" you? His behaviou suggests otherwise.

Your elationship beban with him lying and I would be very surprised if it hasnt continued in the same vein.

unavailable · 25/09/2011 12:17

Sorry! What not Wh, and I have a very sticky "r"

gorgous1 · 25/09/2011 13:03

i did truly believe he was single but had remained good friends with his ex but he made the decision to leave and move in with his mum to be with me.His ex has been a total thorn in our side to be honest
he says he does love her but they will never get back as too much has happened .
i am now 33 and would love to have a baby and settlte down but he says this is what he wants i just can't decide if i should "fight" for him

OP posts:
HairyGrotter · 25/09/2011 13:19

I really wouldn't fight for him, fight for yourself. Move on, get a man who WANTS to commit to you, not someone who strings you along

gorgous1 · 25/09/2011 13:26

sorry meant he does not want us to move intogether or have babies as he is too old 45

OP posts:
buzzskillington · 25/09/2011 13:51

Then it's a no-brainer, gorgeous. You have totally different life plans.

If you somehow fought for this schmuck and won your booby prize, he still wouldn't want to live together and have babies. He won't magically become younger or change his mind. He has told you what he is not offering - believe him.

You need to drop-kick him out of your life, if what you want is a child and possibly marriage/living together.

If you'd be happy with a boyfriend and no commitment, and him possibly still sleeping with his wife and being his grubby semi-secret and never fully part of his life, then stick with him.

TheFlyingOnion · 25/09/2011 13:53

His ex has been a total thorn in our side to be honest

Erm, are you surprised?? Shock

Nothing to fight for imo - if he wanted you, he would have made it clear. I agree, you have not been "chosen", you are the OW.

Who would want a spineless cheater like this guy anyway??

In any case you want to get married and have kids, he doesn't. So it would never work.

How many reasons do you need to move on..?

HerHissyness · 25/09/2011 14:08

Get a fucking grip! You are a OW now! and that is about as low as it gets. You want to know if you need to fight for him? FFS, he's not YOURS to fight for love, he never was!

He is a spineless cheat. You can dump him now, and go on to find a proper man, one that doesn't fuck around, one who takes his responsibilities seriously.

This 'man' you have convinced yourself you are with is a wanker. YOU, right now are a bit on the side. YOU are a thorn in a marriages side. That is really shitty. YOU can change. YOU can regain your dignity. This bloke will always be a wanker.

You are 33, more than enough time to find a real man. One more day with this tosser is another day you can't afford to waste.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 25/09/2011 18:01

He lied to you from the off by telling you he'd split from his wife. What makes you think that is the only lie he's told you? Let's look at the possibilities:

Once she discovered he was cheating on her, his wife kicked his sorry arse out and, in time honoured fashion, he crawled home to his mum with his tail between his legs and, for all you know, you're just one of many 'other women' he's had over the years.

He visits his wife and family 3 times a week for cosy meals and chats. Sounds as if he's belatedly realised that you mean nothing to him and he's trying to convince his wife to take him back.

He's told you his children don't want to meet you. Why would they want to meet a woman who has caused them and their mother untold pain and heartache?

He's told you he doesn't want you to meet his children. Maybe he's told them - and his wife - that any relationship he had with you is over.

You know his wife would 'do anything to get him back'. Are you just guessing or is this another gem from his lips?

His ex has been a total thorn in our side Really? And what do think you've been to her?

Please understand that this man's wife is not his ex and that he has no intention of becoming your dp.

should I hold on in there There's nothing to hold on to except your dignity. Reclaim your pride and self-respect by giving this jerk the bum's rush before he dumps you.

Proudnscary · 09/06/2012 19:22

Save your breath, chaps.

OP has found The One. He is her Prince Charming. Her Knight in Shining Armour.

His cheated on wife is The Wicked Witch of the West. The Evil Queen.

Proudnscary · 09/06/2012 19:26

Oops I meant to post that on What do you think I should do thread!

Though not a million miles off on here!

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 09/06/2012 19:26

No. Sounds to me like he is having his cake and eating it. And is too much of a wimp to chose between one of you and hurt the other ones feelings Hmm This way he still gets his shag with you and time to play happy families with his wife and kids.

My pathetic ExH strung me along insisting the affair was over and it had never ended for only 5 months before I made the decision for him and began divorce proceedings (thanks to mn advice). Wonder what he has told his wife?

xMumof3x · 10/06/2012 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mum2Fergus · 10/06/2012 16:23

OP how many threads is it going to take for you to realise this 'relationship' is going nowhere!? You are nothing to him but a persistent inconvenience. Please gather up what self respect you have left and move on!!

PullUpAPew · 10/06/2012 16:26

Oh ditch him and find someone nice. He's a twat, he cheated on his wife, lied to you. he's told you it's going nowhere if living together and children are off the agenda. Ditch, ditch, ditch.

izzyizin · 10/06/2012 16:29

So sad. As he's another woman's husband and you've never lived together, you're in danger of contravening trades decriptions by calling him your 'DP', honey.

From this post and your current thread, all you've been to him is his bit on the side and that's all you'll ever be.

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