Saying goodbye at the end of a friendship - nasty or nice?

[SkinnedAlive]

I have recently split up with my best friend. He was a very good and very valued friend to me, but recently I felt that the friendship was very one sided and I was constantly walking on eggshells to keep him happy. Things were a bit complicated as I had a crush on him and he would constantly lead me on then push me away. He now has a girlfriend and I wanted time away from him to get my feelings sorted out, but this upset him and he was always accusing me of being a bad friend, not wanting to talk to him or spend time with him etc etc. Everything came to a head when he shouted and swore at me as for once I stood up for myself and did not do a (totally unreasonable) favour he asked of me.

I have some of his CD,s DVD's etc. I want a line drawn under the friendship and to move on with no reminders. That is how I am. I have e-mailed him twice to ask if he wants his belongings back and he won't respond about them but instead sends nasty snide e-mails asking why I have a problem with him and am fighting with him. I will always admit when I am wrong - in this case I was not and he owes me an appology for the shouting and swearing. However he wants me to come crawling back begging his forgiveness as I would have done in the past. I have given him seven days to tell me whether he wants his belongings back - if he does not respond then they go to the charity shop. I think that is fair.

I can understand why he is angry and upset. He has always got his own way in the friendship. Now, not only have I stood up for myself I have also told him the friendship is over. And I mean it. I still care about him a lot. He lacks self confidence and I would like to end things on a nice note. To tell him that I DO care about him but for my own reasons I can't continue the friendship as it was. BUT - on the other hand I don't think his aggressive nasty behaviour should be rewarded by a nice letter from me.

He won't meet with me and talk or apologise. If he had then maybe in time when my feelings are sorted out, we could have a friendship again. Should I be nice and tell him how I feel and my reasons for ending the friendship? Or should I just be cold and businesslike about the return of the items?

I think you've been more than reasonable. He's angry with you when he's the one who has treated you like crap for years, and now you're no longer accepting it.

Well done you! Draw a line and follow through on giving his stuff to charity or parcel-post it to him. There's no need to be nasty, just aim for indifference.

Thanks for the advice :) I threatened the charity shop on Friday, and have now got a nice e-mail back saying he had had no internet (a lie) and can we meet and talk about things next week. I am VERY surprised as he was so, so angry with me all of last week.

I am glad he is softening a little. I hope he can have a think about things and apologise. If he does then I would like to keep in touch. I don't want the daily conversations and close friendship we used to have, but I do still care about him and wish him well. The ball is in his court really. I am glad he is being civil and friendly again. At the very least we can meet and he can get his stuff back (and I can get mine too) and maybe in time we can be friends again :)