"stop telling me what to do or I will fucking hit you"

[StickThemWithThePointyEnd]

is what my husband just snapped at me.
he is playing a stupid video game and was losing. started swearing at the tv in VERY colourful language.
I raised my voice and said "Language!!" because I don't like having to listen to this from him, even if it is aimed at the TV.
That's the response I got.

He has never been violent or threatened me before. DCs are with his mother at the moment.
when he said it, I picked up my stuff and went upstairs so I didn't have to deal with him. I can still hear him playing his game but he has calmed down.

not sure how to react, or whay to say to him about this, but I want him to know that it is totally unacceptable.

tell him from the sounds of it, its the game that's making him angry - swearing that much at it. Maybe he should re--think how much time he spends on it

If he can lose control with that, he sounds like a loose cannon.

It I were you I'd tell him that I won't be satisfied with anything less than a complete apology and I won't put up with it again. Remember, he threatened you, you merely stuck up for your rights to be spoken to with respect. Then go out and let him stir for a while. Hopefully when you return he'll understand where you are coming from. Imagine if he'd have said that in front of your DC!

Although.... Some men get very good at apologising.

"but I also need to stop making him angry"

He is not taking responsibility for his actions. Even if he became angered (which I think was an overreaction in this case, but is also something which just happens from time to time), then there are sensible and there are dangerous ways of dealing with those angry feeling. If he does not recognise his responsibility in finding the sensible ways, then this is potentially worrying.

There is a world of difference between someone who knows they have a temper but really works on getting it under control, and someone who cannot or will not see their own role in handling their anger.

"I also need to stop making him angry"

Indeed, THAT is what ABUSERS say!

Short sharp shock, and you are past making threats now, he has to go and stay with his mothers.

In fact CALL his mother, TELL her what he has said to you and then what he has said to you now and that you are not having it and have told him he can stay over there until he realises that verbally threatening you is NEVER going to be OK. And IF that means he never comes home again, so be it. HIS choice.

Seriously, you have to do this to show you mean business. I don't for a second think he'll escalate, but like cheating, if you let them off the hook, somewhere they think it's OK.

DON'T back down on this. He doesn't see what he did as deal breaking? he needs to be brought up to speed SHARPISH!

i would go out for the afternoon. On your return, expect an unreserved apology for blaming you for "making him angry" and for telling you he'd hit you. This is abusive behaviour and creates a climate of fear and mistrust in a marriage.

Id be very very clear in an ice cold way that you will NEVER accept that from him EVER AGAIN. He may have seen his dad say it to his mum since he was year dot, but you dont have to put up with it. A marriage is about love, not fear. Ask him if he wants a wife that fears him, or loves him. If its the former, leave. If its the latter, then those words should never cross his lips again.

The day my husband threatens me is the day I would kick his sorry arse out the door.

How long are the DCs away for?
Could you go and stay with a friend or in a nice hotel tonight?
Sometimes removing yourself completely from a situation allows everyone breathing time to think properly. If you are cooking and acting normally tonight he will think less of it then if you are absent.

I think you need to ask him how many times his dad told his mum that everything would be ok if only she didn't make him angry.

You need to shock him into accepting that his behaviour is not on.

i agree with Hecate.

To the OP, you can not tolerate this kind of behaviour. If you let this go then it sets a precedent. What comes after that? Threats for not having dinner ready, or for not doing something else that he wants?

As has been previously stated the ice calm method will probably work best. Just make sure you are safe.

Im just imagining the consequences of speaking those words to my wife. Apart from the horror I would feel for having that little respect for the person I chose to spend my life with. Im pretty sure I would be getting divorce papers in vey short order.

Threats of violence are as much DV and actualy hitting

Be safe and let us all know you are OK

Hiya OP hope your day came to a succesful conclusion without any further unpleasantness. Let us know how your are.

Tell him he is behaving as though he thinks he is entitled to hit you if you displease him, and that you will not accept that under any circumstances. And that if he ever threatens to hit you again the marriage is over and if necessary you will call the police and have him removed from the house.