stuck

[goinonabearhunt]

I'm so fed up.

My 'D'P promised to stop drinking after an unsavoury incident two weeks ago. That lasted until tonight.

So clearly his promises are yet again bollocks.

I want out. I can do it financially - just, I'm renting a place which is under my name so we'd not be homeless. I realised a while ago that I couldn't rely on him and I'm so thankfully I didn't become a SAHM.

But the thought of having to hand DD over to him just kills me. I know that she's his daughter too, but I work full time and I'd have to give up half my time with her and I just don't want to do it. And, I'd be worried that he'd be drinking when looking after her. [not drink-driving or anything like that]. But she's just a year old and requires eagle eyes to stop her eating anything within sight.

It's shit either way. shit shit shit.

You can insist on supervised access as she is so young. if he has problems with alcohol, you can get help and advice to help protect her.

Don't let this stop you from getting out of a bad relationship.

Wouldnt you get help with child care costs via TC's. Is that something you can look into?

Perhaps it would be worth going to a family solicitor for advice over the access and alcohol issue. Many solicitors offer 30 mins free consultation. It might be good to know where you would stand legally before taking any action.

is that likely though? I've read some horror stories on here of mums having to hand their kids over to incredibly violent exes and not being able to do a thing about it. Where would I go to get advice?

Fabby, no - the tossers changed the threshold so I'm just above the limit. But when you take into account train travel to work, rent, bills and childcare I have about £100 a month for food etc - and that includes CB.

I'm deliberately not allowing for maintenance for DD what with him being so fucking unreliable.

Trying to co-parent with someone with a drink problem is awful. You have my sympathies.

Let's say you did split up. Do you believe he'd actually want to play a serious part in his daughter's life? Or is it possible that he'd quickly realise that looking after her on his own will seriously cut into his drinking time and so he'll not be that bothered?

My local council (St Albans) subtracts some/all of a lone parent's childcare costs from their income when when calculating housing benefit and council tax benefit. This meant that I was eligible for at least a bit of such benefits. I don't know if that's universal for all councils but it's worth looking into to.

I'd also suggest you look into tax credits in more detail as I thought I wouldn't be eligible due to my earnings but it turns out I am.

Look on here to see exactly what you'll be able to claim. It's a very easy to use site. Don't make any informal agreements regarding child contact. Make him take you court for a contact order then CAFCASS will have to do an assessment. In view of his drinking they'd be likely to order supervised access.

Could you get a lodger in to help with some of the bills? Do you live near a university? If so you might find a mature student who needs somewhere to rent.

I've just done a direct.gov thingy and I could get tax credits which is a huge relief. Thanks everyone. A lodger wouldn't be an option, the house isn't big enough.

But it's not so much the money, it's more only being with my DD one whole day a week or every other weekend. How do people cope with that? If we stay together I'll see more of her. I know I wouldn't enjoy days away from her, I'd just be worrying. I miss her so much when I'm at work - and at least I'm busy.

Snorbs, yes he would want to be involved. He does love her, just not enough to stop drinking.