I find this quite hurtful but I wish I could just rise above it

[emkana]

I was friends with a woman for several years who moved 120 miles away a couple of years ago. We still stayed in touch with cards and birthday and christmas presents for the children and we once visited them at their house and they came to us one weekend last year.
This year we haven't seen each other at all, even though I have made suggestions about meeting up half-way or something like that. These suggestions have been totally ignored.
I have now just received a christmas card, but no christmas presents for the children, which is fine, my children don't need more presents, but it feels like I have been now further "demoted". It says in the card "Look forward to seeing you in the new year", but that doesn't ring true at all.
I really like her and feel sad about this, even though I know it's just life I suppose. But there's nothing more I can do I suppose, I've tried to keep the friendship going but she's obviously not interested.

I've already bought some small presents for her kids, but luckily haven't posted them yet. Seems like a card will suffice...

triplets..you poor poor love.

The woman is a weird selfish nutter. Hard I know,but ignore her ranting and concentrate on your christmas.

How weird to bring presents to a family when you are so twisted and angry about some imaginary thing they have done..

Barking I tell you,absolutely barking.

Spot on, moondog. triplets, the woman's not worth your tears.

Hi,
Thank you, I cant go to bed because I am literally feeling sick and so wound up, its just so horrible, esp at this time of the year. Sometimes I think that maybe I should not expect to get more knocks in my life just because I feel that I have had my fair share. Life isnt fair, I know that only too well, but why does it have to hurt so?

Triplets,so sorry that you feel so raw.
I have read a lot of your posts and know that life has dealt you a brutal hand.
There are vile things happening and horrid people but I honestly believe that there is also so much more love and goodness.
Witness the countless daily courtesies and kindnesses that occure between the people on MN for astart.

Focus on your girls-they sound gorgeous!

What are they having for Christmas???

Oh triplets, you have really touched my heart and I am so very sorry for you - I am really crying as I type.
Please try and see her again and patch this up.

And emkana, send the presents. Try and talk to her.

Emkana, I'd send the presents as this was what you originally intended to do. Why not take her comments in the card at face value - perhaps she really is looking forward to seeing you in the New Year. It's so easy to read (or misread) between the lines when you don't see someone regularly. Your friend will probably be grateful to you for persevering with the relationship - seems a shame to let it fizzle out.

Triplets, don't know anything about your situation but really feel for you. I hate falling out with people and having run ins. Can you not go round and talk to her calmly and sort things out, or write a letter explaining how you are feeling. If you make an effort at least you can retain the moral high ground in all of this. If she rejects you then you can then move on knowing that you have done your best and she is clearly not worth knowing.

I'd send them too emkana.

Thank you all. Maybe I should put my feelings down on paper, but I honestly know that it will now not change things as I have seen the other side of her before with others and know that she is very hard and very unforgiving. Its such a shame for the children, she has always idolised Thomas, Moondog I have two boys and a girl. They are the most special little people and I just think tonight I would crack up with it all if I didn`t have them sleeping in their little beds above me now. I have had a real rollercoaster of emotions today, it started in M&S seeing a small Christmas decoration with a plant in it that I bought for the cemetery for Matthew, and as it went down the conveyor belt I suddenly wanted to scream that I wanted to be able to buy him a beautiful present like the others were getting and I just felt soooooooo helpless and sad.

Sorry,remember now about them not being three girls!
Triplets,have you ever had counselling/spiritual guidance/a professional listening ear at all?
It strikes me that you have so much pain inside you.

I so wish you didn't.

XXXX

Yes I have had some counselling, but it didnt really help. I dont know, its just that after you have lost a child, your whole world as you know it is turned upside down and inside out, so that in the end you don`t even recognize yourself. You somehow find the strength to go on, and very slowly you rebuild this new life, but its not one that you have chosen by choose if that makes sense, because your child will not be in it. Then after a time, a very long time you settle into this new life and you very much try to enjoy it, make the most of it, for your family, for yourself, but...............every day your heart aches, its always there, the endless missing of him, but you try so very hard. Then along comes a day like today and someone hurts you and you feel as though you have slipped back years. You go to bed sad, fed up, but you hope the next day will be better and off you go again. But there are times when I get so very tired of putting on face, then I think of Matthew and know he would hate to see me like this and thats what keeps me going, but its a very hard road and I sometimes feel like finding a diversion!

I'm so sorry it's so hard for you. I can't imagine the pain you must feel. Losing your son as you have,can't you tell yourself that in comparison,a nutty neighbour is really nothing worth wasting a nanosecond of energy on???
Life,as you know really is too short.

I must go to bed now.I hope you sleep well and wake tomorrow with more perspective on the whole silly episode.

XX

Triplets,
I will CAT you in the morning.
Sleep well now.
x

Thank you Moondog, sleep well and so sorry to have troubled you. You words are sound advice.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you, triplets. XX

Thank you too, gosh Mumsnet has been my lifeline at times. I will now go to bed and try to forget it. Good night everyone and thank you all again. xxx