I need some feedback as I don?t know if I?m being unreasonable. I know I?m extremely annoyed by it all as I wasn?t expecting this when I got married.
My husband is currently working abroad in his country and has been there for just over two years. When he had told me that he was going there to set up a business he told me he?d be gone for three to six months (he was to set up a business and then have someone manage it while he was back in England). He came back for a two week visit just over a year ago. Things seemed ok between us and I felt a bit more positive about the future of our marriage when he visited. Since then I can count on two hands, but less than ten fingers & thumbs the number of times he has contacted me and our two young DDs.
When I told him this fact, and that he needs to pick up the phone regularly and speak to his DDs he told me that when he gets home from work he is tired!!!!! Tired! That was like a red rag to a bull. He?s only got himself to look after. I?m looking after a three and five year old, both full of energy, when he left I was at the time working full-time, have had to deal with being made redundant, have since set up my own business online and work after my DDs have gone to bed so that I can earn money to feed, clothe etc my girls, as well as pay bills etc.
I haven?t a clue when he?s returning, despite me asking him. He can?t give me a definite time. I have been asking him since February to tell me what his plans are for the next 12 months (7 of those 12 months have already passed) but he hasn?t laid out his plans and told me, except to say ?there are risks involved in starting a business?. To continue with his lack of contact, as well as barely phoning us ? I?ve been the one doing most of the phoning, so that our DDs can speak to him, I once decided to not phone but wait for him to phone instead. Three months passed by before I?d had enough at his no-contact and picked up the phone. He doesn?t email me despite me having emailed and got no reply. I set up Skype and ever since he left I?ve been telling him to set it up also, which he still hasn?t done. He just keeps saying he?ll get it done ?this week?, which hasn?t happened
When he left, our youngest DD had just turned one and our eldest was three. The eldest misses him a lot and has told me of nights when she has been crying in bed because she misses him. She wants to know when he?s coming back, which I can only answer ?when daddy has finished his work he?ll be back?. It makes me so sad to see her upset, yet he can?t even be bothered to pick up the phone. My eldest DD has said to me on a couple of occasions that ?daddy is never coming back?. My youngest DD doesn?t really know him as he went abroad when she just turned one, but used to say that she misses daddy when she heard her sister say it. He?s missed over two years of their lives, but it seems he doesn?t care.
Three months ago I gave him until the end of August to greatly improve his communication and to tell me his plans and intentions that I had previously asked for, or I would have to assess things (our marriage). Since then I?ve heard from him twice and then very briefly yesterday he phoned when the DDs had already gone to bed, so they weren?t able to talk to him ? he knows when their bedtime is. Still, I don?t know how long he?s planning to stay abroad for.
I don?t know what he?s getting up to out there. He?s living on his own, and when I?ve asked him if he?s got a woman out there he?s said no. My H is also good at lying, so I don?t know whether to believe him. Our marriage wasn?t good when he was here. There were constant arguments and times when he?d suddenly flip if I disagreed with him and he?d say ?f**k you? to me with such venom, once in front of the DDs. When I was six months pregnant with my last DD he raised his hand to slap me, with a snarl on his face and his other hand clenched. He didn?t slap me but from that moment I admit I lost all respect for him ? since that occasion he then did the same thing on two other occasions.
I thought that going away for the 3 ? 6months would have been the break that our marriage needed. It seems not.
We?ve been married for four years. I?ve been unhappy for all four.
I feel empty inside and stuck. I don?t know if I can continue in this marriage, but I only hear of people breaking up because of something major such as physical abuse, cheating or addiction.
Would like to hear your comments because I feel alone with my thoughts towards my marriage, and I want my DDs to live in a happy home not the type of home environment that they were being put through. Reaching the end of this post has been emotional. Thank you in advance for your comments. Sorry it has been long.