Any point trying to change a controlling man?

[acrunchieandacupoftea]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice please.

I've been on a few dates with a man and the dates were good, he even met my friends over dinner who all thought he was lovely.

Due to an event and the distance he lives from me he ended up staying the night last night and I KNOW that I rushed that when I was not ready. Then I had two comments from him that made alarm bells ring,

number 1) that I am messy! as soon as he got in my flat. (my flat is currently as tidy and neat as it ever looks)

number 2) that I ought to use my vacuum cleaner more and if i have the day free i should spend it cleaning.

This may be true, but my flat is busy not dirty. Crowded but neat...

So, I felt really upset today and decided I don't need a controlling (lets add in rude, ungrateful, critical and bossy) man in my life.

However he phoned me today, I burst into tears, and also explained that he had been rude etc. and he claims he is really shocked and he didn't mean to be like this (but I can't call him rude because of one sentence, one idiotic 'joke') also qualifying this with acknowleging that I do a good job as a single mum and complimenting me on having my own home and running it well etc.

Basically my question is, does anyone think it is worth it to stand up to him and don't let him boss me about... Or is this alarm bell in my head telling me he is 'controlling' indicative of his inbuilt personality which can't be changed?

trust your gut instincts on this, and why do people pretend they are bloody joking when in fact what they have done is over stepped the mark and been rude or critical then try to back peddle by adding 'only joking' into the conversation as if its some fucking get out of jail card!!!

if you moved in with him you already know what you would be doing on your 'day off'

Your radar is working well. How dare he!

Red flag 3 for me is that you felt so bad, possibly the conflict between your instinct and what he was telling you on the phone, that you ended up in tears and this was the first time in your home

The reason it's weird is because you've only been on "a few dates" and he's making these comments already. You should still be in the first flushes, best behaviour, etc. If the alarm bells are already ringing, it's time to bail out!

'if i have the day free i should spend it cleaning.'

This was a JOKE?

That is his SENSE OF HUMOUR?

God, he's a barrel of laughs, isn't he. Dump.

as Squitten says, assuming thats his best behaviour...image what he'd be like when he starts to relax a bit...

trust your instincts and move along.