Warning. This could be quite an essay.
Have name changed. Bit of background info. Been with bf for nearly a year and a half. 88% of the time he is fantastic, amazing, thoughtful, funny, caring, understanding and helpful. However, for the remainder of that time he acts like 6 year old which just sees in black and white and every things blatentely obvious and when I don`t see it it feels like a temper tantrum but in a 23 year old. I am 20. We have been living together for almost 6 months. When he loses it I feel hurt, intimidated and trapped, and often these are about trivial things I am aware people would probably laugh at. But it is like he cannot see the effect this has on people and when he has had an outburst he will constantly look for reassurance that I still love him that feels wrong and claustraphobic. He will grab my hand in the middle of an argument in trying to show a loving way but when im seething I would much more appreciate a full apology. When he loses it he will shout and swear, something that I hate because I hate confrontation, itscommon, but wont verbally abuse me directly but at the situation that guilt trips me and he makes me feel like im a constant burden when we row as he will play the poor little me martyr card that i get fed up with. The rows will never be more than half a day long and he will hardly apologise and try and turn it round on me all the time so I feelshit. When we make up, we make up and evrything will be perfect for about a week. I am starting to fear I am making a vicious circle as we seem unable to have a civilized disagreement, he will always go off and have tantrum. Don't know what to do. I know on mn their is a massive tendency to say leave the bastard but he has so many issues coming nto play here.
He was diagnosed withmild anxiety in his late teens and has also been tested for asd but didn't fit the whole criteria. He was also depressed for a couple of years after he split up with his ex in his late teens after being with her for most of the time he was a teenager. He also dealt with painkiller addiction due to a sports injury which he kicked. There is depression running n the family. He also developed eating addiction and seeking an expert pyschylogist help which I persuaded him to do. Thankfully he has lost nearly 3 stone so that side seems to be working! He has also picked up on how his brain works and said he is vvv lucky to have me as lots of people would not put up with his behavior. He desperately wants to be liked by everybody and this causes problems.
He is also pretty crap wit money as over the summer got himself into 1500 of debt. I know other people will be worse off but i kind of this think that was his choice as he spent loads on luxuries for the new house, going out over the summer etc. He had a temp job over the start of the summer that would of got him 600 quid but quit on the first day cus he was bored and due to a very recent death I the family I really couldn't be arsed to challenge it as much as i regret it.
His parents have been made redundant this year but my parents are n comfortably off jobs, secure and smart with money. Very smart. They choose to treat us occassinally, apart from the deposit in the three years ofuni I have never begged them for money but he just thinks that when we run low because of his bad choices and me bailing him out that he can just coerce me into asking them for money which feels wrong on every level because I like to be independent as possible. At the same time of doing this he will sometimes take the Mickey and say I can go running to mummy and daddy and everything will be alright which isn't my approach to life at all, but feels so ironic. He also recently got a cleaning job for few hiours a week which pays his rent and im really happy for him. However wht makes my blood boil is I get up before six every morning and come back betwee 5 and 8 as i am on my placement year that he moans he has to do everything and live two lives. I do have a condition that doesn't help with one of my worxt personality traits which makes me very disorganized and u tidy so I am very aware I am not perfect. Because of this I have put in a massive effort over the last couple of weeks to try and get out of these bad habits as i know they could affect my placement. However I honestly cannot see how im making any real mess. Im too tired on most days to make an evening meal so often choose sleep over food, my choice, and d get out clothes and get uniform ready for next day.
I am working twelve to seventeen hours a day and really want him to stop playing the victi im. I could give you examples if you want. Despite this most of the time I adore him and it makes me feel sick it could tear us part if he doesn't nip it in the bud now. Will post later.