'Rebuilding when your relationship ends' by Bruce Fisher. Any fellow dumpees for a support group?

[wellthatsdoneit]

Went tits up for me in May and I seem to have been struggling badly in the last few weeks in particular. My counsellor (who used to work for Relate) said this book was recommended a lot. Anyone have/used it/wants to use it? He talks about doing it in a group and one chapter a week to mimic the 10 week divorce recovery workshop they run.

Anyone want to have a virtual support group and work through the book with me?

just bought book read first chapter ...can i join?

where are you all up to?

Hello - I will order the book and join if I may? Will play catch up. Patience knows my story from another thread but in a nutshell, ex H left a year ago, divorce last week. Still in shock really despite the timeline as a. moved to Australia when 7 months pregnant (DS now 3.5, 2.5 at time) and unable to legally move back home (stuck here with little support/no family/no career history) b. ex left 2 weeks into IVF, 8 weeks after medical termination about 10 months after ectopic pregnancy, 5 weeks after arranging the most amazing 40th c. thought it was mid life crisis, blindsided, turned out to be OW from work I had my suspicions about but was presented to me as my paranoia and is still claiming started when he left but I know this not to be true (texts in middle of night when DS 6 months old) d. trying not to be smallest violin in world but feel he has taken my country, family, possibilty of more children (now 41), financial security (I had the money, he has benefited from break up) and e. i thought he was pretty amazing when we were married, he was lovely to me and the day he left it was like invasion of the body snatchers and he has been just aggressive, awful, cold, cruel and really a big fat cunt. Anyway, possibly more backstory than required but trying to explain why I literally seem unable to process it all.....looking forward to the book and nice to 'meet' you all xxx

LOL at big fat cunt Doll,mine too,he's not answered the last 4 sols letters re access ,maintenance and divorce and not seen or paid anything re the kids since July .After 2yrs however i truly couldnt give a flying fuck about him and Im trying to become financially independent by the end of 2012.Vowed early on in this chaos to remain positive and not become embittered .I have just ordered another 5 books off of amazon ,mainly re Transactional Analysis cos i find all the triangle stuff fascinating .All about growing and learning innit !!!!

Oh and im still waiting for my Rebuilding book to arrive

Got my book,skipped to the sex chapter and laughed when it said
" ..........slow down,take a deep breath and try and put sex in its proper perspective,at least read chapter one first !"

Ok will read it starting at chapter one tonight.

Sorry girls - I did read the first couple of chapters a few weeks ago but need to reread to refresh my memory and have had a pretty stressful week (aged p in hospital, shenanigans with ex). I feel mentally beat but will try to reread tomorrow.

Delighted to welcome the newcomers. I really hope we will all find some solace at the end of this.

Marble what did you think of the first chapter? Even the first page of the denial chapter upset me - cartoon of a bride and groom in a 'just married' car. My sixth anniversary has just past and I can remember every detail of our wedding/honeymoon in glorious technicolour. I don't feel too far down the road from newlywed and yet here I am. It's all so raw. Looking at anything to do with weddings is more than I can handle.

At the start when i saw a pic of a bride in a magazine ,just some lass modelling a dress in a Spring supplement or something, i remember thinking SMUG BITCH.Total stranger and not even a real bride but all part of the healing i guess ,irrational hatred of bridal models

I find myself surreptitiously checking out the hands of other women at the school gate/swimming classes etc (never men's funnily enough) to see they're wearing a wedding ring or not. If they are I feel embarrassed, unworthy, a failure, not good enough and struggle to meet their eye, if not I feel an unspoken bond (even though they probably haven't even registered my presence) and something like relief. All a load of poppycock I know but I suppose its part of adjusting to a life I didn't plan for.

I'd like to join too, if i may?

My relationship ended last Friday. Am feeling extremely raw. Also feeling sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, bitter etc etc. A whole gamut of emotions! - which i guess is to be expected at this early stage.

I have moved back to my parent's home (God help me!) with our 7 month old daughter, and am feeling very hurt on her behalf also.

So...yeah...count me in :-)

I'm sorry you have to join us OAU, but welcome you anyway. Much sympathy extended your way - sounds particularly difficult with a 7 month old baby. I can also empathise with the living with parents scenario. Chin up girl, we are all here for you.

You are not a failure WTDI so dont evr feel ashamed of your split .U cant rush the healing ,but awareness and self growth is all part of being booted out of your comfort zone.This will be the making of you ,you will do things now that you never dreamed of some good ,you will begin to look at life with a completely different slant .

some good/some bad

Anyone else read the first 2 chapters and wanting to start? What have we to write about ?

Not yet, but in the next day or so, I promise!

I have no one to share this stuff with - my 4 year old is in the bath and I can hear him playing and he's vocalising everything. For a start he used to have an autism diagnosis so it's amazing to me that he's playing any kind of imaginative game at at all. Secondly he's just learn the 'proper' names for your bits a pieces and I've just hears him articulate a bit of game thus: 'there's that naughty duck, and he has a lazer on his vagina'. Obviously this is all par for the course for four year olds, but he's my pfb and im new to it all so I find it very funny and am sad I don't have his dad to share it with.

My ds 6 had the word" theatre" in his reading last week,admittedly I sounded it out THEE A TUR in my Glasgow accent,but when I asked him what a theatre was he said "he's the fat chipmunk "Share here if u want to .
What have we to write about ?

Anybody started reading the book yet?

I'm sorry patience, I'm about half way through the first chapter but my world is upside down at the moment (court orders, potential abduction yada yada yada) - I will catch up asap, but, please, if anyone else wants to start then please please do so.

And I also find it quite harrowing reading which means I need some uninterrupted time to read so I can bawl my eyes out unfettered.

Am presently reading chapter two Denial.