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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just called the police

30 replies

IWantWine · 20/09/2011 18:02

my son assaulted my daughter :(

she isnt hurt, but I cant deal with this any more. it is no good him being sorry :(

Please tell me they wont arrest him! I just want him to get help.

OP posts:
HereBeBolloX · 20/09/2011 18:03

How old is your DS and DD

Sorry you are going through this

ChooChooWowWow · 20/09/2011 18:05

You poor thing. I hope your dd is ok. How old are your dc?.

Original poster
IWantWine · 20/09/2011 18:06

they are both young adults, he is 2 years older than her.

it isnt the first time. I love him but he wont listen to me. I have tried to talk to him, to explain. I think he gets his ideas from his father. who is emotionally, verbally and financially abusive towards me and towards our daughter. She doesnt deserve this.

OP posts:
HereBeBolloX · 20/09/2011 18:07

Well what else could you do?

It's not OK for him to assault people, is it? And you can't stop him doing it, that's what the police are for.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 20/09/2011 18:07

Oh how hard for you

BluddyMoFo · 20/09/2011 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChooChooWowWow · 20/09/2011 18:11

I don't know what they will do. It probably depends on what you mean by young adults. If he is over 18 it may make a difference. Does your dd want to press charges?.
Maybe they will just talk to him and give him a warning or point you all in the direction of someone who may be able to help you all.

Do both your dc live with you?. Would iot be possible for your ds to live somewhere else to give you and dd a break.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/09/2011 18:16

What about you OP?

Could this be the start of help for you?

ragged · 20/09/2011 18:18

I am so sorry to read this. The police have limited tools at their disposal. They may suggest restorative justice, but that's probably not what you need, I would have thought.

For what it's worth...my mother's actions sent my brother to prison and both she and he reckons that it was a good thing, turned his life around.

buzzskillington · 20/09/2011 18:20

I think it's good that you called the police, well done.

I think you also ought to use this as the final straw to make sure you and your dd are both out of an abusive situation. Stop showing your ds that women will just put up with abuse, get out of your relationship with your dh. Make sure you set up decent boundaries with your son and seek help from Women's Aid for both yourself and your daughter.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 20/09/2011 18:41

Please let the police deal with the matter in the way that they see fit.

If this means that he is arrested for assault, so be it. He needs to learn that his behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated by either you or your dd.

If he doesn't learn now, think of the life your future dgcs will have with him as their father - to say nothing of the pain and misery he will inflict on any woman who has the misfortune to be in a relationship with him.

GypsyMoth · 20/09/2011 18:44

He will be arrested

Dont feel bad.....late last year/early this year, dd went off the rails a bit!

I called police twice,and her sister once. She was 14. Arrested x 3, 3 separate nights in the cells. Youth offending team helped, she's turned herself around now and wanting to be a police officer! She totally realises it was necessary

AnyFucker · 20/09/2011 18:47

You all live in abusive household together ?

Oh, please use this incident as the catalyst to get you and your dc away from such a toxic situation Sad

Original poster
IWantWine · 20/09/2011 19:47

Thanks for your comments.

They have been and took a detailed report, mainly about my situation. My daughter would not speak to them, she wont press charges, she has accepted my sons apology.

They did not arrest him but they did speak to him. I know he is truly sorry, and I hope that their involvement will be enough to prevent a reoccurrence. (Having read so many DV posts on here I am not entirely confident though). I know that the situation here is having a bad effect on all of us. When he comes home I will ask him to get help, whether it be counselling or anger management, I will let him decide as long as he will agree to get some help!

Regarding my OH... I dont understand why he wont agree to a divorce. He is emotionally and verbally abusive, he is a bully, he is financially abusive. He obviously does not care for me in anyway, in fact, he must hate me. Why would he want to sabotage his own chance of happiness in favour of dragging this relationship out to a very long and bitter end? Why is he so angry? Why? Why would he bother when he doesnt love me? He cant care that I dont love him?

Well I am instructing my solicitor this week so things are going to get so much worse before they get better. I said to the police officer, it is like a tooth extraction with no pain killer... suffer the toothache or the extraction! But things will be so much better after the extraction :) I just need courage!

OP posts:
Original poster
IWantWine · 20/09/2011 20:00

Thanks for your comments.

They have been and took a detailed report, mainly about my situation. My daughter would not speak to them, she wont press charges, she has accepted my sons apology.

They did not arrest him but they did speak to him. I know he is truly sorry, and I hope that their involvement will be enough to prevent a reoccurrence. (Having read so many DV posts on here I am not entirely confident though). I know that the situation here is having a bad effect on all of us. When he comes home I will ask him to get help, whether it be counselling or anger management, I will let him decide as long as he will agree to get some help!

Regarding my OH... I dont understand why he wont agree to a divorce. He is emotionally and verbally abusive, he is a bully, he is financially abusive. He obviously does not care for me in anyway, in fact, he must hate me. Why would he want to sabotage his own chance of happiness in favour of dragging this relationship out to a very long and bitter end? Why is he so angry? Why? Why would he bother when he doesnt love me? He cant care that I dont love him?

Well I am instructing my solicitor this week so things are going to get so much worse before they get better. I said to the police officer, it is like a tooth extraction with no pain killer... suffer the toothache or the extraction! But things will be so much better after the extraction :) I just need courage!

OP posts:
saltyair · 20/09/2011 20:01

You've done a good thing - for you, your daughter AND for him. Young people need to know where the boundaries are, sometimes very firmly. You are a brave and loving parent.

AnyFucker · 20/09/2011 20:01

How awful. I wish you strength. You are doing the right thing x

He cannot make you stay married to him. We are not in The Middle Ages.

Mouseface · 20/09/2011 20:04
Sad

I know I always post this but have a look HERE I'm so sorry that you are stuck in this.

I hope that you can get some real help soon xx

Original poster
IWantWine · 20/09/2011 20:39

:) thanks and sorry for the double post! my internet is rubbish :)

I have spoken to WA but my situation is so complicated.

All I need, really need, is help to get through this divorce while I have to live here.

I feel so much better tonght. I have eaten. I will have an early night and I wont cry myself to sleep.

I wish I had someone who could tell me, reassure me, that the threats my OH makes are foundless. I know he will do his utmost against me. But I cant ask my solicitor, because of the cost. He is prepared to let our home be repossesed rather than sell.. and believe me, in its present condition it isnt really sellable.. well, I could give it away, but then, he wouldnt sign the contract..

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/09/2011 20:44

I don't know what to say Sad

AnyFucker · 20/09/2011 20:46

I presume the legal process that is the divorce will force him to comply eventually

Sorry, have no real experience

I can, however, see that someone who is determined to be an absolute obstructive arsehole can make your life hell for a while

Not for ever though

You will be free of him one day

chosenone · 20/09/2011 20:52

Sorry to read this, I hope you can find the strength to get through through this and find some sort of outcome, can you and your daughter away, refuge or something ? I hope someone can advise you and help you more. Good luck

Original poster
IWantWine · 20/09/2011 21:38

Situation is very complicated. I would leave tomorrow but my daughter is reluctant. Understandable since she has grown up in this kind of situation.

I will be back. I really need support and I have no one in RL... Thanks to all of you. I am going to bed!!! I just feel exhausted by all of this.

Tomorrow I intend to go to my solicitor and get things moving! I know it will be awful but it is necessary!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/09/2011 21:41

All the best

You know where we are

aurynne · 20/09/2011 21:45

IWantWine, just read your story and wish I was closer to you to take you out for a drink, listen to you and give you a big hug. I can't imagine what you're going through. But as others have said, it will end one day, and you will be relieved and happy, and ready to start a new life. I so wish it happens quick.