Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to move on from someone that clearly never cared for you?

18 replies

Needstostop · 19/09/2011 10:16

for many reasons a man I met a few years ago never was able to commit,btw he was single and so was I.
We remained in contact with him regularly telling me how much he wanted me,but never dud anything about it.
I am in a relationship now and last week got a text telling me he is living with his new girlfriend and she is pregnant.despite me moving on with my feelings why does it hurt like hell?
I feel stupid for feeling like it,but i feel like she has got what I wanted but he would never give me.
How can I really move on?And why tell me how happy he is,he would surely know that would hurt me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Needstostop · 19/09/2011 12:57

Anyone?

OP posts:
samhaircin · 19/09/2011 13:27

Block his number and stop contact. This should help you move on, and also reduce the pain of hearing about his life.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 19/09/2011 14:40

If he was playing games with you, he'll be playing them with her and others too.

Feel sorry for him; he's the one that lost out for not getting together with glorious you.

And thank your lucky stars you missed out on having a crap relationship with a mind fucker.

plantsitter · 19/09/2011 15:08

Just think, if the girlfriend had've been you, he'd be texting his ex out of the blue now to tell her. Why is he contacting you now? Too immature to commit even to a pregnant girlfriend?

Tosser.

buzzskillington · 19/09/2011 15:30

He's telling you how happy he is to hurt you or to try to spark your interest again, which makes him a pig either to you or his gf (actually, probably to both).

Although perhaps he would call it cruel to be kind, if he thinks you're still holding a candle.

Whatever, fgs, block his number. He's a wanker.

mumsamilitant · 19/09/2011 15:52

Yes, delete and block on everything. He can't get in touch with you if you don't want him to.

Original poster
Needstostop · 19/09/2011 19:29

Thanks for replies,I can't explain why this man makes me feel like I do.After reading lots of threads on mn I recognised red flags which I could associate with him and for a long time now have had no emotional feeling for him.
He started to text me after a long break roughly 4 months ago when his grandmother died,I was civil and told him that I was sorry to hear that,he was very pleasant until he started to ask me about meeting up again.I said no as I didn't want him to hurt me-he had numerous times so I know his game.He then revealed that he was in a relationship and had been for a while,from the comments he made it was clear that he was in contact with me while he was with this new girlfriend-I was unaware and would not have allowed the texts to continue if I had.I asked why he hadn't told me before about his gf,his reply ' because if you knew then you wouldn't fuck me'-we actually have never had sex so that comment was pretty Confused
I told him I wasn't interested and a barrage of comments came my way,'your not worth it' etc,then last week out of the blue the pregnancy was revealed.
I am usually strong but this man gets into my head,fucks with my mind and I feel powerless to stop it.I know full well he is bad news,he doesn't want me or care about me yet I know that he only has to push the right buttons and I'm like a lovesick teenager again.I think he knows this and plays on it.

OP posts:
buzzskillington · 19/09/2011 19:32

Change your number.

wicketkeeper · 19/09/2011 19:47

'Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' - and you're the 'em'. See it for what it is. Block every channel of communication that is open to him.

MangoMonster · 19/09/2011 19:54

He sounds like a complete loser and you don't. So he's not worth your attention. Don't have any more contact, you will get over him, he isn't worth it and would surely give you more grief in the long run.

It's not easy getting over someone, but you to be disciplined and think with your head not your heart.

Original poster
Needstostop · 19/09/2011 20:24

Yes you are all right!his behaviour is shocking,some of the things he has said to me etc would leave you cold.
I certainly won't engage in conversation with him anymore,I will look at blocking the number,I'm not on Facebook so one less avenue to think of.
My new relatioship is so different,he is loving,gentle,considerate and wants me!
I would never give up what I have for this man,I guess I just can't understand why he affects me so much,I have never allowed anyone to treat me,talk to me like he has but in other aspects of my life I'm very strong and successful.i think a relationship between us would have been damaging,I think the unbelievable intensity between us when we met would have turned into a dangerous situation

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 19/09/2011 20:31

Maybe stop trying understand your feelings and just ignore them...

ToPeeOrNotToPee · 19/09/2011 20:35

Do you love your current partner? Do you have a good relationship? If yes, why are you hung up on a utter knob like that ex?

You wouldn't want to be with someone so into games like him, you wouldn't feel happy or secure

ToPeeOrNotToPee · 19/09/2011 20:37

^ just seen your post above. Glad you're going to block him and move on

Original poster
Needstostop · 19/09/2011 20:52

Mango-I think that is the right approach,I will never understand so why try?!
Pee-I am in a good relationship yes,didn't even think I was still hung up on him until the baby news came to be honest.
I think I need to see this as a reminder as to why we aren't together,behaving like this when your dp is 6 weeks pregnant shows him for what he really is

OP posts:
MangoMonster · 19/09/2011 20:54

Agree with the 6 week pregnant thing. That's hideous :(

magicmarvin · 19/09/2011 23:12

Been in exactly the same position so I understand!

You need to block him totally. Change you numbers. Like you, I found someone new who was lovely and wanted me! I kept reminding myself how lucky I was - to meet DH and escape that crap relationship. My XP found a new girlfriend and every now and again I think of her (and feel quite sorry for her!).

Very best of luck with your new man. You don't need that other twit!

x

Original poster
Needstostop · 20/09/2011 09:14

Thankyou all for the replies,you all confirmed what I knew but I just wanted some reassurance I guess.last night I had some time to think about it and cried and cried,but do you know what,it made me feel so much better!
I thought about all the bad points for him-rude,dismissive,unaffectionate in public,very unsavoury political views,prejudiced,drinker,gambler,misogynist,narcissist,unreliable,prioritises sport over everything,still living at home with parents at 34 only
recently moved in to pregnant gf house
Good points-actually really struggled to find anything now except for a very strong attraction to each other-and god only knows why as he is not exactly Brad Pitt
All the things I used to make excuses for I can attribute to something that shouts out red flag to me now.
I think I have been caught up in a fantasy of what I thought he was,probably due to the very full on declarations of wanting me
forever etc very early on when we met.
I told myself time and again,if he really wanted me he would
By doing this I think I can see it for what it was- a stupid man who played a nasty game for too long.
I didn't realise how helpful writing this down would be,it's hard to dismiss shitty behaviour when it's in black and White.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread