Damn you, Aspergers....Can't you just sod off?

[foodjunkie]

Ggggrrr, why did it happen to someone I am so so fond of? I love him dearly but aaaarrrggghh this damn damn "thing" is taking his gorgeousness away & I don't like it.

Just sod off & bring back the yumminess of my best friend.

I only have an emergency mobile, to which no one but dp has the number, mainly because I couldn't bear lots of little checking up texts.

I rarely answer the phone either.

It can just be irritating and intrusive, not everyone likes being checked up on all the time.

Crackpot and Quintessential* you are right. He hates waffle & prefers blunt (which inevitably leads to hurtful & painful) conversations.

Soggy and Wildthings - I was bothered because all hell breaks loose if I don't reply to his texts. It is contradictory & double standards.

Soggy and Crackpot - i do repeatedly tell him it hurts me. He says I am reading too much into his lack of response.

It does make sense in a way because when he & I are together he doesn't reply to any texts that his phone receives. It is unheard of that he replies to a text he receives when he is in the company of others. It just annoys me when I don't get a reply - maybe it's my confidence that is the issue?

Amber Thankyou for your words. He does keep all aspects of his life separate from each other ie His Mum will never know about his work, I will never know about his Mum, etc.

I guess the over-riding consensus is that he cares when it suits him? Thoughts welcome please. Thankyou.

So, if all hell breaks lose if you dont reply to one of his texts, what happens if you say something like "You are reading too much into my lack of response". ??

I always reply, that's the problem I think. I like/want to be liked & I always feel SO SO SO bad if someone has contacted me & blank them.

I even lost a boyfriend once because another girl asked me for his number & I didn't want to ignore her request. I always feel so guilty if I don't acknowledge someone.

I am the one with issues here, aren't I? Not him. That's how I see this going....

foodjunkie don't beat yourself up! Aspie or no, he's misbehaving. Double standards add to his crime IMO. You are entitled to expect a response to texts! If he's legitimately busy (work or what have you) then you're entitled to expect a response at lunch or the end of the day. Tell him he tips the balance against himself with careless behaviour that doesn't consider your feelings. Why would he want to make his life partner unhappy for a few gained minutes every day? Keep on at him.

Honestly, if I were in your position I'd kick off with him every time he ignored me (when he got home) in an 'I'm so upset/hurt' way rather than 'I'm so angry'. You're not slightly bothered, you're really upset and this makes it more important. It's not somewhere he can cut corners.

I've been talking about this as if it were me and my DH - you describe him as your best friend :) which is how I think of my DH. I recognise that you may be different people to us! But as this really upsets you and he's still brushing it aside I think you need to hassle him more. Good luck with it all.

Computer programming is definitely the way to go about it. It might take something out of the excitement and stuff or whatever, but there are too many unwritten rules to navigate. You keep hitting rocks underneath the surface.
Doesn't mean we can't be spontaneous...but sometimes we might not do it because we don't know how you'll react...etc

People kicking off to get me to pay them attention would just make me want to get away even more. Really does.not.help. Often you're just feeling like you want some alone time, to process stuff, then you get another load of emotions thrown at you? No thanks!

shine on there was a very good quote on another thread and I make no apologies for repeating it "if you know ONE person with Aspergers, then you know ONE person with Aspergers". You can't guage how it affects one person's based on another Aspies behaviour.

Perhaps if text isn't a form of communication that he is responding to a phone call might work better.