According to him, this is why our marriage failed.

[redderthanred]

Ex ( divorcing) husband calls me up and starts shouting becuase i 'have not yet returned the divorce paperwork and should just sign it and send it back' Accoring to him i do not need a solicitor, the fact he has left all the child maintence payments section blank and issues of joint debt/pension/any kind of financial settlement are left blank because it is ' all sorted' news to me. i tell him i will consult my solicotor and there is no need for us to argue.
he then resorts to other tactics to try to get me to sign it as is.
One of which being telling me that we were just rubbish at marriage.

I tell him, that i wasnt rubbish at marriage at all. He declares that i was, because i never forgave him for any of his affairs and was mean to him about it and didnt trust him.
He said it wasnt his fault becuse he was an idiot and too young to be married ( true, but i didnt make him propse or go through with it).
Apparetnly because i never forgave him, even though he never ever confessed or appoligsed he thought he might as well keep having affairs, but it wasnt that bad as it was only 1 or 2 a year.

:(
Today i am sad, and angry and fucked off and bitter.
Im usually ok, but god, i hate that man. I hate him for what he did, and what he put me through, for the time i wont get back and for the longer term effects it has had on me.

( just venting, i have noone in real life i would say any of this to)

Mine did all this - I understand how it weakens you, even though you know who he is now. I crumbled. You won't!

Get advice, hold your ground, rant to anybody who'll stand still if you can't get a counsellor just now. You might also like to take a gander at the long-running "emotionally abusive" threads, just to double-check you aren't alone.

Hold your ground :) xx

i will do.
i feel guilty that it might end up costing him more money though.

But he didnt feel guilty when he was having affair after affair after affair did he.

I feel guilty - yup, he knows how to push your buttons!

It's not you and him now. It's him against you. That's sad. All wars are sad.
But, once you're in, it's best to win. Good luck!

Hi redder, I've just thought, what I said above is if he is on AFPS 75 (pension type). There is also AFPS 05 which has different rules. He is probably on 75, hardly anyone switched, but it could make a difference. Your solicitor will need to find out.

I think that the years together are the ones that count, so in your case 2001-2008. A good solicitor could push for 11 years worth though.

There is a form that sol will need to send to Glasgow to get a full pension statement. I don't know it off the top of my head and I'm off camp now but could look on Mon for you if you want.

Chin up, concentrate on

Bloody iPhone. That should say "concentrate on your DD, stop feeling guilty and take the lying cheating scumbag to the cleaners!"

Reading your thread, I reckon that everyone who's responded and no doubt everyone who's read it is cheering you on to get what you deserve. You may feel a niggle of guilt but fgs don't let it influence your decision. If you have a solicitor and he does too then protocol is for communication via them. You can get your sol to write and state that. A good sol should know all the methods, all the games and they are your steely resolve when you begin to falter. Yours is a just cause and we are all rooting for you. And remember DD needs you to get a good settlement too.

I have always made sure I do not make judgement based on one party's recount of events so all I can say to you is to try and keep a cool head and for the sake of the children involved not get into a slinging match. If you can get a solicitor, I will advise to hire one and let them go over the papers with a fine comb to cover your self.

All the best tho.

The reason we all know, as you do, that you are a decent, caring human being and your ex is not is BECAUSE you feel guilt. He doesn't feel guilt. Hence the jaw-dropping amount of cheating, lying, threats and manipulation going on by him.

When you feel guilty, remind yourself that it means you are a loving person but it means no more than that. You don't need to respond to it or change your behaviour because he is capable of making you feel guilty. The only thing you need to do when he behaves like a fucking twat and you feel guilty in response is give yourself a massive hug and remind yourself how different to you he is.