Do you think people can change?

[ToPeeOrNotToPee]

Would like to hear your views on this. One of my friends believes people cannot change, they will temporarily but then slowly go back to themselves.

My DP has said there are certain things he would like to change about himself e.g to be less selfish. I would also like to change how defensive I can apparently be.

What do you think?

Aye, true enough. Anything can happen. What about that guy who abused his family, was violent and a gambler, then had a severe head injury and came round as a truly nice man? (I know it more often happens t'other way round, but I remember that one for the happy ending!)

crikey Garlic, I'd not heard of that (it suggests a rather nasty 'treatment' for nasty people tho... )

I've certainly considered it

Dr Susan Greenfield knows about this brain stuff. She says that the brain is plastic, that neural pathways are ever changing, some die, some are created. It's all about what you surround yourself with. What experiences you have.

If you keep doing the same thing, nothing is going to change. Most of us keep doing the same thing because there's no reason not to.

Trauma can precipitate change...whether that's emotional trauma, or a sound blow to the head!!! :)

I think so, but only if given a good reason (and 'My partner is telling me to change' isn't necessarily a good reason. The partner might be an arsehole.)

I think a person's deep rooted values & belief system wont change. The things they were taught (& re-taught by setting an example) since childhood are deeply set in their brains since they were trained during formative years of a child. Also, kids learn a lot by observing people, especially their parent's behavior. These core values are usually 4-5 things they would never stop believing.

But their habits (usually the ones they picked up as adults) might change like giving up smoking, alcohol, becoming broad-minded over time. People might slip under pressure & temporarily give up their beliefs after a breakup or hard time but when things become normal they switch back to their system.
Also, look closely at the person's family (or people he grew up with) to find out more about them. A fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree.

I actually couldn't disagree more with that.

In my own case, I have changed fundamentally. I don't share ANY core values with my family. I have nothing whatever to do with them because of that.

Yes a lot is "in" by the age of six...that has been shown over again in studies, but it is very definitely reversible. I know..I am that person.

Sometimes I astound myself at the depth at which I have changed, and am continuing to change.

It's caused a heck of a lot of trouble too.

I do think people change, and I'm not sure you're always that shaped by your family values. I think you take on the things that fundamentally you agree with (in my case a strong work ethic and a working class sensibility despite being the product of a middle class home) and you reject the things you find, as an adult, to be unpalatable (again in my case, "well meant" racism and a lack of empathy for those less fortunate than ourselves)

I also think that CBT can be enormously helpful. I am pathologically disorganised and am currently reading a book that suggests my attitudes towards tidying up (that it's a waste of time, that there are more fun things to do, that tidy people are intrinsically anal) can be changed and that I will only be more tidy once I change my belief system.

All a bit navel gazing, sorry, but you get my point

@thisishowIfeel 'Dr Susan Greenfield knows about this brain stuff. She says that the brain is plastic' or in other words neuroplasticity..very interesting stuff is it not!!
I read norman doidges book a while back but generally speaking this idea I think has gained acceptance lately