What happening to me?...

[Pleasehelpme]

I really don't know where to start I have too much spinning round in my head.
I'm 30 weeks pregnant and feeling horribly heavy, dh and I really really aren't getting on at the moment and I know it's my fault. He really is the sweetest man but at the momnet I can't stand him, he can't do anything right. He says that I blame him for everything - which I do. I'm unhappy. We have recently moved house and was so excited about the new house but now I am starting to hate it. So many tghings go wrong.
I have so much work to do before I go on maternity leave, but I can't seem to think straight to do it.
In the evenings I get angry, about absolutely anything; theres ash on the floor, dh leaves the pan and brush on the table, our toddler whinging, dh leaving the kitchen sink on a mess, having the television too loud, my heartburn, the list is endless. I mean not just a little angry, I mean uncontrollable rages, Anger that I almost cannot deal with.
I went to see my parents with dd at the weekend. Mum felt I needed a break and things were fine. I came back last night and the house was really messy, cue another temper tantrum. Dh tries to hug me as we haevn't seen each other for 5 days - he's bought me a bottle of Baileys and soem M&M's but I shrugged him off. Dh says I have turned into an ogre, I should try to be nice. I say that I am wishing that we hadn't got married and upsetting him further. How can I try to be nice when that's not how I feel? I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, if I hold try and hold my temper I juts get angrier.
This morning I got into the shower after he and dd had left and the shower was either too hot or too cold. I cried and cried and cried. I'm so fed up, so angry, so uncomfortable amd so miserable.
I think I'm cracking up and I don't know what to do or where to start...
Please help me

I guess your right Georgina but I still can't see past the fact, I should be driving home but I don't want to. Dh and dd will be waiting for me. I juts want to drive soemwhere else completely different and cry, cry, cry

ring saneline
0845 767 8000
you can cry down the phone to them and they'll listen & not judge.

This is why I hated being pregnant so much, and wanted to murder anyone who said 'oh I loved being pregnant'.
As far as your DH goes, show him a version of what you posted and say that you know it's hard for him too, but you just can't help it at the moment, and this is how you feel.
Come up with an action plan of practical things he can do to help - make a written list of little things he agrees to do each day to help - if he's anything like my DH he needs it in writing. It sounds so petty to some people, but if you are tired, stressed & depressed little things like pans of tables feel like the last straw. This may not suit you, but it worked for us - DH wanted to help, but he just isn't practical and didn't actually really know what needed to be done without being asked to do specific things.

saneline sounds good too.

Also if you can'ttalk to your dh, could you direct him to this thread? He maynot relaise just how bad you are feeling. You have said you know it is irrational, at least if he knew that he could try to ease the stress for you, or at least learn not to get upset when you are raging IYKWIM

I've been through similar emotional rollercoaster when I was suffering from depression (not PND, just the regular kind!). It started out the way you describe with mood swings and anger, and then gradually settled into a constant inescapable feeling of utter misery, helplessness and despair. I didn't think there was any point seeking help because I couldn't see that anyone was likely to help me, and I also felt that it was all my own fault and that I should just pull myself together. Thank god a friend dragged me to my GP to get some help. I had counselling and ADs and recovered completely. Please make an appointment and see your GP. If they aren't sympathetic make an appointment to see another GP in the practice. I can't bear to think of someone else being in the same amount of pain that I was in. It's really not your fault.

let us know how you're getting on PHM. Thinking of you

Well I don't know how I am getting on really. I really do think talking to you has helped though. Some of the 'fire' I was feeling inside me all the time has gone. I think I have also resigned myslef to the fact that I am not going to get as mcuh done as I would like. Everyone has been very reassuring to me about that.
I was getting really worried that I was losing it for a hwile there but your posts have been incredibly helpful and I have found myself recalling your posts as I have felt myself becoming angry.
I really do have to thank MN.
So for the time being the 'darkness' has gone and I am looking forward to Christmas, then it's only a few weeks til maternity leave.
Thanks Ladies