Recommendations for books on communication and anger management?

[PiggyMad]

I'm nearly ten weeks pregnant and am starting to worry about what sort of parent I am going to be. I think my parents, unintentionally, have given me some warped ideas of acceptable behaviour in relationships and I'm worried that I'm going to pass this on.

Firstly, and I'm ashamed to admit this, I have an awful temper and no patience and I argue and shout at DH when we disagree about things. I just fly off the handle and slam doors and say awful things to him. Despite really resenting my father for this sort of behaviour throughout my childhood - being unapproachable, losing his temper easily, being an unloving person, I've turned into him

I don't want to shout and argue with my DH and certainly not in front of my children. I want them to be shown a positive example of a respectful and caring marital relationship. I know this behaviour is all within my control and I need to choose to stop, but I suppose I'm just looking for suggestions for alternatives and ideas to get out of the bad habits.

Secondly, I have terrible trouble showing my emotions and I really struggle to tell my fantastic DH that I love him. I suppose it makes me feel weak or 'exposed'. My parents weren't very tactile people and never told me they loved me and never really spent any time with me. I do get on a lot better with them now and find them very supportive, however. I think they were just young and naive and hadn't had great upbringings themselves.

I'm just really worried that I'm a horrible wife and I'm going to be an emotionally absent/abusive mother. Any suggestions for self-help books I can look at would be most appreciated.

One-on-one counselling would do you a world more good than books. Is it an option?

I think I'd be too embarrassed to say all of these things in real life.
I feel guilty that I'm attributing some of this to my parents when it might just be the way I am.
And I sort of don't want to admit that my childhood wasn't as good as they think it was or I thought it was, if that makes sense?

No need to be embarrassed in front of a therapist. They are safe. They don't judge. They are there to listen to you, and to help you understand and handle your emotions better.

Ask your GP if you can get a referral?

Oh, and your reticence about speaking about your childhood not being good as that will "make it more real" is completely understandable.

But it's hard to get to the bottom of something if you don't face it, iyswim.

Thanks for the recommendation cat, I'll have a look :)

I've a right temper on me, and I have issues with emotions and expressing of emotions yadda yadda yadda. However, since the day my daughter was born, I've watched myself change.

I still have a bit of fire in the belly, but not towards her, I am openly affectionate, loving, adoring of her, she is so secure, we're a happy family (just me and her) and I'm proud of the person I am now.

I could still do with counselling in terms of external relationships with partners because I suck at those, but my relationship with my daughter is great.

Thanks for sharing your positive experience hairy
Itsme I think I will talk to DH about everything and look into maybe talking to someone and see if he would do a joint session with me so we can discuss joint views on parenting too.
Thanks for the advice everyone - was worried I was going to get flamed!

Why would you be flamed? You're a fallible human being like anyone else, seeking to do the right thing for your child, your DH and yourself. And you are demonstrating excellent self-awareness.

You deserve praise, not flames. There should be more parents like you!