how can i be more assertive without coming across as rude or nasty?

[booyhoo]

i was assaulted at the weekend by someone who knows me and i cant help thinking that this person knew they would get away with trying it on me. i also struggle with asserting myself with my mum,this sounds really immature but she has actually toldme not to be so cheeky when i have tried to in the past, and i can honestly say i wasn't being cheeky. i dont want to come across to people as an arrogant arsehole but the incident a the weekend has realy annoyed me and i dont want people thinking they can treat me how they like because i will just take it.

Is it that your Mum would swear and shout back?

no totally the opposite, she would stay really calm and simply say something like "i'm not going to argue with you" along the same lines of what i tried to do. she would have ben able to diffuse the whole situation,i know exactly how it would have played out if she had been there, it wouldn't even have gotten to the verbal abuse stage. i'm not sure what it is about her that makes people listen. she deals with confrontation weekly in her job so perhaps she is just well practised at it whereas i have very little (thank goodness) experience of anything like that.

Ah, the art of detachment. I have learned this, also through work. Does she work with people with challenging behaviour, by any chance?

Body language. You should be able to work on it with a relevant book (library will be able to help) and a mirror, but I definitely recommend the bottle of wine and a mate system

she works in the NHS and often has to deal with very angry/upset/worried/hysterical people. her role is a management role so any staff issues are dealt with firstly by her also.

yes body language is the difference i think. i a very aware that i refused to make eye contact, turned my face away,looked at the floor etc whereasmymum would hve made direct eye contact and made her point vry firmly. i was too scared of being hit to look anywhere near this person.

DP has to deal with that occasionally from me - have you tried reminding her she's not at work and you don't need to be spoken to like a patient? Pisses me right off, but I also understand that it pisses him off more