Have been battling with this thought for years

[2sugarsandadog]

How, with me at 46 and H at 72, is there any point in a divorce? I don't want anyone else, would have to sell our family home and buy him a flat/house. But ... what is the point in spending all that money? Who gets the children, I know, but can't that be done outside of a law court?

Why haven't you consulted a divorce lawyer ? Some of them give the first half hour for free and you could find out what you need to know quite easily.

How can we answer you properly ?

If you have everything agreed between you, you can do it yourself I believe. You don't need solicitors to divorce.

Does he want a divorce too?

Correct me if i'm wrong, if you do split and he becomes infirm, if you are still married, your home would be taken as part of his assets and may have to be sold to fund his care.

You ARE still young. You do have the potential to have another long, happy fulfilling relationship, why give up and resign yourself to living any less happy than you (both) could be?

effer and Hissy, thank you so much. 'Phoned a solicitor today -internal gasp - £400 an hour. And have told her I can only do one. But it will be worth it.

Will you guide me through it? x

Love, could you phone a few solicitors ? Ask for ones specialising in Family Law and ones that offer a short initial consulation for free. Don't plump for the first one you speak to.

Effer ? Me likey, never been called that before

There is also a Divorce/Separation Topic I believe. I reckon that would have a wealth of knowledgeable ladies. I have never been divorced, so not my area of knowledge, tbh.

As above, please don't pick a solicitor at random from the phone book as personal recommendation is aways preferable.

Also as above, there is a wealth of knowledge available on this site and it could be that you can either petition for divorce yourself at very low cost, or use a solicitor merely to confirm the fine detail based on what you have been told here - and also from other sources on the net.

If you can post more details such as why you want a divorce, the ages your dc, and whether your dh will consent or is likely to oppose your plans, we can make a start in giving, and finding, you appropriate advice.

OK some practical advice, good for seeing any solicitor

They charge by the hour/half hour and much of that is taken up with them taking down details like your name and address, marriage details, property etc. They should also be asking you what you would LIKE to do, before they can advise you. I know you are exploring at this stage but it will help the fees and to clarify your thoughts if you write this down

Name, address, length of marriage, any DCs, property, incomes, pensions etc.

Then you should try to work out what you would like to do

Ideal scenario
What your compromise would be
What is not acceptable

Plus, and this is VERY important. Try to work out what is most important to you as an outcome to any process

e.g. when I had to fight for my house the most important thing for me was security for me and DC and no more stress. It was likely I would win a court case, but for various reasons there was no guarantee, I could not risk loosing our house that I'd work so hard for. Court, and the expense was not the right option for me as the impact of loosing would have set me back 25 years.

This will help the solicitor give the appropriate advice for you.

So,

Bullet points will do (they don't need reams of detail, and the more your write, the more they will charge to read it.
Fax it to solicitor before the visit
Have 2 x half hour visits. One to talk about initial options, the Second to go into further detail. The time in between will give you time to think about things without any pressure.