He's gone, kids are poorly, i don't know where to turn!

[littlemissliedto]

My DH has left me.

He has left behind his 15yo daughter my DSD, our DS who is 5 and our beautiful 7 week old DD - what a mug I must be as I really didn't see it coming. He has someone else, since Christmas apparently. I feel numb. I found out by accident (overheard a conversation while i was in ITU after a complication of the birth and then went through his phone), though he looked relieved and packed his bags. He couldn't get away quick enough, though he emptied our joint account on the way out!

My baby DD has been diagnosed with CDH so needs an op next week to have her hips broken and reset. He's told me he'll check with "Joanne" if they have anything planned and will "try" to look after the other children but if it comes to it, doesn't see why i have to stay at the hospital - nurses are there to look after my DD! Not only that but when she has it done she will be in plaster (from chest to ankle) for at least 6 months and I don't know how i am going to manage. He won't help me.

DSD mum doesn't want her back. DH can't have her with him (he isn't ready to tell the children about Joanne yet!) and she wants to stay with me. I don't mind, I love her and so do my kids. The shame and humiliation, i had to phone her mum and tell her he'd left - she insisted on details and then phoned him and gave him a bollocking.

Kids back at school this week and of course, I'm hot gossip. 2 poorly kids (my DS just got a diagnosis he is deaf and has had hearing aids) and her husband has walked out, any1 know why?!? You can all imagine.

I am angry (with him), I am scared (for my DD and this horrible op and that my DS may get bullied for his hearing aids). I don't want her anywhere near any of my kids. He isn't being helpful he sent me a text tonight saying he is aware he will miss out on the kids but has to do what he has to do. Now I am all alone with 3 kids, 2 of which have very new and different special needs I'm learning about and i don't know where to turn.

Its all too much - what am I going to do now?

What a horrible, horrible specimen your ex sounds. I hope you get the support you need in RL. I can't add much more except the utter horror I think most MNers will feel when reading your post. I hope I can reassure you regarding the hearing aids, my DD (6) and DS2 (4) both have them, they have never been bullied or made to stand out because of them, the paediatric audiology team are usually fantastic IME and help the children settle into wearing the aids. Both my children also got to choose the colour/pictures for their ear pieces (DD angelina ballerina and DS daleks!) and I think this really helped with the transition.

I agree that your step-daughter could be quite a blessing and a help. Hopefully at her age (15) it will be good training for life if she is able to help you and possibly look after DS for a short while if you are busy with DD, give DD some extra cuddles and attention while you cook supper etc. You sound like a strong and loving little family and hopefully you can all support one another through these challenging times. I'd agree too that DH doesn't sound any great loss, though obviously it's a big shock at the time. I'm sure you'll be able to build a better life without him though, given a little time. Thinking of you as you get ready for DD's operation - do ask for and accept support from your parents and friends at this difficult time. Will be thinking of you, let us know how it's all going x

Firstly can I say OP before anything else that the fact you eve got up this morning with all that crap on your head is just amazing. You are an incredible eprson and he is an idiot to lose you.

Do you ahev ahomestart volunteer? they can be wonderful at the support just to get through soemthing and if I;d still worked there I;ld have placed you as a priority.

If you love teh SD let ehr stay, having people we love about us is a bonus. But I woudl tell her about Joanna; her sperm donor of a father does not get to call those shots.

LIttlemiss... beggars belief, the whole thing. Your DSD may be able to help around the house, with the little ones etc. It sounds as though you are close to her - you have both been utterly betrayed. Take all the help you can get from anywhere, even if family members want to take over. So sorry - you are well rid of him, his brain is clearly not in his head. Hugs

Sweetie, I'll bet you a fiver that the mums at the school gate want to help. Really, I mean that - ask them for what you need. Ask if your DD can go round after school. If you need help cooking/shopping etc, ask if for instance anyone could give you a lift, or pick something up for you (and I'll bet they'll offer to do it for you). Actually, if you can bear it, I'd go with Fabby's suggestion too about your parents: if they can be useful, direct them to what you really need them to do for you.

I am so sorry.

I don't know where you are but of you're in my school, I'd help you out. Am in Essex if that's any use to you.
He sounds like an utter wanker. Who ups & leaves like that. And takes all the money. Joanne is welcome to him.
I also feel for your dsd, abandonded by both parents. She is a credit to you, I bet!

Do you have a friend, from the school network, who is kind and good at organising things? You only need one. Tell her. Explain your situation. I bet that not only will she help out, she'll get some others on board too. We've had two situations at our school - not like yours, but big big health things - where we've all helped out. (And I'm not a madly helping-out type usually!)

Diito what GandT said, S E Wales.

As soon as you can find the time and strength, contact a solicitor.

And even if your mum and dad do take over a bit, I don't think that will hurt at present.
Let them help.

Hope your DD's op goes well.

I never would have thought this could happen in real life - that a father would not only walk out on a 7 week old baby, but would also clear out the joint account!

Hello everyone - thanks for your messages. Animation tell me about it, neither did I (let alone think it';d be me in the firing line), what can i say other than he's a 4 letter word i don't use (even for that bastard)!

But after my desperation at the weekend I wanted to let mumsnetters know that I'm doing ok ... I have had a rough few days but I have turned a corner and will NEVER take him back or waste another one of my precious tears on the bastard!

stupid me, turns out Joanne wasn't the first but to be honest after seeing a picture of her (including parts of her I would rather NOT have seen!!!), I can only describe her as "trailer trash"! TBH with you all, if he wasn't friends with the DSD and some younger members of the family (who i wouldn't wish to embarrass or upset), the disgusting picutre she sent him of her fingers inserted you all know where, I'd hack his facebook account and post it as his profile picture, then (as one of the mum's I've enlisted for help and support - YES I listened and have taken it when offered) then I'd change his password and sit back and enjoy the show! I won't but the thought of it gets me through...

Final score : Wife and beautiful children 1 - Dirty, slag lacking self respect 0!

:)

Glad you're feeling better.
1 - 0 sounds good !
Really pleased you've turned a corner and won't be wasting any tears on him.
I'm sure the future will be brighter if the rest of you stick together through this.
Glad to hear of RL friends giving you the support you need ATM